One fine November, a customer came into our retail shop and purchased a set of our best gas fireplace logs. When asked whether he wanted us to install the logs, he answered “no thanks, I have a friend who is a plumber” and packed the logs into his fancy car.

Two weeks later, this gentleman calls and complains that the flame on his logs is not nearly as high as the display he saw at our shop. We told him this sounded like a gas pressure problem, and told him to have his plumber friend check his newly installed piping with a gauge. This did not satisfy him - obviously, his plumber “friend” was not interested in coming back, so he insisted to us that the log set was defective and that he wanted us to come out and fix it.

We explained that the problem was most likely with his installation, as we had never had a defective burner on this brand of logs. However, we agreed to substitute another burner for his existing one - after all, the chances of two defective burners in a row is very slight.

Even though we had not installed the job, our crew installed the new burner and there was no change in the flame height. Our installer noticed a lack of gas pressure, and again told the customer to contact his plumber to check out the newly installed piping. The customer again refused. I

In early January, a lawsuit was delivered to our store - suing us for $10,000 for the “loss of pleasure from the Yuletide log” as well as “lack of consortium” and other such nonsense related to the fact that his flame was not high enough.

Since the gentleman was a lawyer (wouldn’t you know?) and it costs him nothing to sue us…and, of course, it would cost me time and $$ to deal with it, I decided to send my installer - at our expense, - to this gentlemans home to disassemble the iron piping that his “friend the plumber” had installed. Upon removing ten feet of the black iron pipe, my installed found a blockage and removed it. It was about 3 solid inches of dried grass and clumped dirt! Apparently, the homeowners “friend” had leaned his pipe up against the house while installing and the bottom had sunk into the lawn and was never cleaned out.

We cleaned out the mess, reinstalled it - and it worked fine.

The homeowner, who obviously should have felt like a fool, did not even bother to apologize or offer to reimburse us for our time and troubles.

What the heck are they teaching in law school these days?