Gems and nuggets from our own Brother Bart:

I’m burning clean, I’m a believer

I thought clean was only true in fairy tales
Meant for some other burner and not for me
My stove was out to get me
That’s the way it seemed
Smoking chimneys haunted all my dreams

Then I bought a new stove, now I’m a believer
Not a trace of smoke in the sky
I’m burning clean, I’m a believer
I couldn’t go back if I tried

I thought smoke was more or less a given thing
Seems the more I tried the more I got
What’s the use in tryin?
All you get is smoke
When I needed heat I got tar

(With no apologies whatsoever to The Monkees)

Stainless Wondering

Well is my stovepipe tarnished?
I have no way to tell
It’s up at the top of that stainless stack
Where I can’t see so well

It makes me suspicious baby
It looks suspicious
It looks suspicious and I don’t know why

(Apologies to Elvis and Heartbreak Hotel)

Painted Black
I see a red stove and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the Summits burn dressed in their amber clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I see a line of stoves and they’re all painted black
With kindling and splits both never to come back
Like a newbie burner it just happens every day

I look inside my stove and see it’s heart is black
I see that red stove and it’s been painted black
Maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts
It’s not easy firing up when your whole stove ain’t black

No more will my red Summit turn a deeper hue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I load tight enough into the setting sun
My stove will burn for me till mornin comes

I see a red stove and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the Summits burn dressed in their amber clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

Hmm,hmm,hmm,…

I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black

Yeah!
(With apologies to Mick, Keef and the boys)

Painted Black part 2
contributed by myzamboni
I see a blue pipe and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and theyre all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens evry day
I look inside myself and see my hearth is black
I see my blue pipe and it has been painted black
Maybe then Ill fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole stove is black
(apologies to the Stones)

THE ANSWER IS BLOWIN’ IN THE END (With no apologies whatsoever to Bob Dylan)

How many years must firewood dry
Before it is ready burn
Yes, ‘n’, how many months must white oak lay
Before it reaches its turn
Yes, ‘n’ how many days must Elm splits bask
Before they are up to the task
The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the end
The answer is blowin’ in the end.

Ode to Alderlea
guest contribution by Begreen
I should have known you’d be hotter than hell
There’s a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very well
Now I know you’re not the only big stove in the store
If I never hear your name again, it’s a steel stove at the core

And I think it’s gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin’ sun is shinin’ like a red Summit stove

You never cared for a combustor inside
For you I’m just an ornament, somethin’ for your pride
Always burnin’, never carin’, that’s the life you live
Smokey minutes of your time were all you had to give

And I think it’s gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin’ sun is shinin’ like a red Summit stove

Oh, oh, oh
I think it’s gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The mornin’ sun is shinin’ like a red Summit stove
(with profuse apologies to the Cyrkle, Paul Simon and Bruce Woodley)

Heat Me Jotul

Well since I put you in I’ve been out stackin in the shed
I tell folks I’m so happy
Happy that you ain’t red

Blue/black Jotul you look so fine
And heat the house in so little time
Ya gotta heat me Jotul
Heat till April one more time

Heat me Jotul.
Heat, heat me Jotul…

We thought about VC
But had some questions about the ash pan
Then we saw a PE Summit
And that really upset our plan

Well, Jotul you caught my eye
And hearth.com gave the reasons why
That you could heat me Jotul
Heat till April one more time

Heat me Jotul
Heat, heat me Jotul…

- The Beech Boys

It’s the big red Summit headed for Arizona

The big red Summit headed for Arizona
(Burn baby, burn baby, burn baby burn)
Ain’t burnin yet but the PHD says it’s gonna
(Burn baby, burn baby, burn baby burn)
And stacked in the racks by the big garage
Is a pile of pine bigger than the local Elk’s lodge

And everybody says that there’s nothin funny
About those stoves you can buy with Candian Tire Money
They burn real clean and they burn real hot
And they aren’t really polished with wild Moose snot.

It’s the big red Summit headed for Arizona

Took Hunky months but he finally chose her
(Burn baby, burn baby, burn baby burn)
If the latch ain’t crooked he’ll be able to close’er
(Burn baby, burn baby, burn baby burn)
Well, he’s gonna light a fire now sooner or later
If he ever figures out just how to uncrate’er

- Jan and Dean Hearth Unlimited

Holtz Hausen

Come listen to my story bout a man named Jed
Poor mountaineer hardly kept his family fed
Then one day he was chopping up some wood
When up to his block
Walked some snotty Canuck dude
Slick feller. Tasseled loafers. Ascot.

Well the next thing you know old Jed’s installed forced air
Kin folks said “Jed it’s freezing cold in there”
They said renewable heat is where you oughta be
So he dusted off the saw and went lookin for a tree
Bore cut. Hand split. Stacked in a Holtz Hausen.

Come listen to my story bout a man named Jed
Poor mountaineer hardly kept his family fed
Then one day he was chopping up some wood
When up to his block
Walked some snotty Canuck dude
Slick feller. Tasseled loafers. Ascot.

Well the next thing you know old Jed’s installed forced air
Kin folks said “Jed it’s freezing cold in there”
They said renewable heat is where you oughta be
So he dusted off the saw and went lookin for a tree
Bore cut. Hand split. Stacked in a Holtz Hausen.