How to get the Wife to understand?!?!!

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Matt Ruggeri

Matt Ruggeri

New Member
Nov 23, 2012
79
Rhode Island
I worked later today than usual, started the stove (CDW 2461) for her when I left around noon. Just got home and the damper is wide open, and the ash door is cracked about an inch. Dont have my I.R. probe here, but i'm gonna guess the flue collar connector has to be over 1000, because the bolts were glowing red, and the inside of the double wall is about the same. Stove is about 3/4 full of glowing red coal. I've explained to her how to properly work the stove, but she's of the old school "it ain't heat until the pipe is glowing". We've had many heated debates (pardon the pun) over how to work a woodstove, and i gave up. I walked over to the stove, closed the damper, shut the ash door, and choked back the intake. At least the stovetop is cranking now! In the 9 hours I was gone she burned through about a weeks worth of wood. Not asking anyone to save my marriage, but Any ideas on how I can make her understand how dangerous this actually is? Our firebrick in the back of the stove has cracked from her repeatedly over-firing.
 
go to youtube type in chimeny fire sit her down and watch them watch how quick she takes it seriously. hopefully she will learn by others mistakes and not her own
 
Great idea Nico!....and then hand her the instructional manual....tangibles.
 
Hey Matt,
Sounds like you're pretty frustrated, and this is a bit of an area of tension in your marriage. So here's a bit of advice: Be patient with her. Do not let your frustration lead your conversation. Be grateful that she has interest in running the stove. A lot of us have wives that are very hesitant to have anything to do with the stove. Maybe take a day when you are both at home together, getting along nicely and let her run the stove. You can gently coach her. Show her how you get more heat from less wood when you run the stove correctly and safely.

I understand the way she has run the stove is dangerous and kind of wasteful, but be gracious and calm. There are plenty of other things to fight about. Take the lead on this and let the wood heat be a blessing to your family, not a point of contention.

Good luck man, I'm not saying it's easy. I'm just saying you can be the one to promote tension, or grace. I say, opt for grace in this instance.
 
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dafattkidd said:
I understand the way she has run the stove is dangerous and kind of wasteful, but be gracious and calm. There are plenty of other things to fight about. Take the lead on this and let the wood heat be a blessing to your family, not a point of contention.
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Thanks man, I'm usually real good about picking my battles, I've tried showing her, but it's at the point where I just bite my tongue any time I know she's gonna run the stove. I am totally grateful that she's interested in keeping the house warm, and appreciates all the hard work that goes into getting all the work done! I worry because we have 2 little ones (2 and 6), and their bedroom is directly above the stove room. She's in nursing school, and studying really hard for mid-terms right now., so when she is freed up next week, i'll try your approach.. Don't get me wrong, we have our battles, but i kinda freak out when it comes to safety and kids!

Nico1986 said:
go to youtube type in chimeny fire sit her down and watch them watch how quick she takes it seriously.
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Tried it, for whatever reason it doesn't click. Funny part is when she does this, i pop off the cleanout to check, and it's usually powdery white ash. Maybe she's on to a new cleaning method. :rolleyes:
 
You are having literally the exact opposite of my problem right now... My Dad likes to load it up and close the thing down so tight it will smolder for days, creosote dripping from every surface inside the stove... I already have my plan for when we have a chimney fire.... Calmly open the stove, fling in a cup of water, close the door and call the fire department.... Not a question of if, but when. I try to run the stove hot, but I'm afraid I'm going to light it off by burning hot. Hopefully the chimney is sound.
 
Assuming she's not interested in having her own username and avatar here on hearth, have you showed her the stove manual? Sometimes it helps to see or hear from someone/somewhere else. Also do you have a stove top thermometer so you can show her the stove is being over-fired? Seems she doesn't understand it's not her fathers Oldsmobile.
 
It's an old Englander insert from 1990- warped firebox and baffle plate, warped floor, starting to crack around the left door. Pretty much worn out anyway. I probably won't be so calm when there's ten-foot-flames shooting from the chimney, so probably anything within reach that might help put it out...Water, dirt, ash, cat litter from the litter box, whatever!
 
jatoxico said:
Assuming she's not interested in having her own username and avatar here on hearth, have you showed her the stove manual? Sometimes it helps to see or hear from someone/somewhere else. Also do you have a stove top thermometer so you can show her the stove is being over-fired? Seems she doesn't understand it's not her fathers Oldsmobile.
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She's not! The Cat Thermometer is broken (so is just about everything else on the stove), but I have an I.R. gun, just not here today. I'll have to have a "sit-down" with the manual some time in the next week. On another note, how are you making out with the Oak?
 
Matt Ruggeri said:
She's not! The Cat Thermometer is broken (so is just about everything else on the stove), but I have an I.R. gun, just not here today. I'll have to have a "sit-down" with the manual some time in the next week. On another note, how are you making out with the Oak?
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I only just tried again to get my wife involved with the stove. First time was our first year of burning and we had crappy wood so it was a tough go and she got turned off. She took a day off today so I re-split up some ash so it would burn easy and laid it out so she was all setup. Left her with a fire going and had her do a couple reloads. I tried to impress on her the importance of keeping an eye on it. Called a couple times so it went good.

As far as the oak, if your talking about my my punky, mushrooming stuff it's actually all good. Now that most of the bark and worst of the sap wood is off I'm left with nice stuff. It will burn well just want to get a top cover on it before it goes under permanent cover in the spring.

Hang in there with the Ms's. She used to a old smoke dragon?
 
jatoxico said:
She used to a old smoke dragon?
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Yes, but trying to break her out of that is hard! But this is our 3rd season in this place with an EPA stove. We've lived in various wood-burning places - a house that had a fireplace (which, surprisingly heated pretty well), another house with an insert, and years ago I lived in a place with an old smoke dragon - my first true wood experience! Ever since then (almost 20 years ago) i've been hooked! I finally got around to top covering up that Oak, one more summer and it should be good Brought a few inside to un-freeze then re-split. Down to 22%.
 
Matt Ruggeri said:
Yes, but trying to break her out of that is hard! But this is our 3rd season in this place with an EPA stove. We've lived in various wood-burning places - a house that had a fireplace (which, surprisingly heated pretty well), another house with an insert, and years ago I lived in a place with an old smoke dragon - my first true wood experience! Ever since then (almost 20 years ago) i've been hooked! I finally got around to top covering up that Oak, one more summer and it should be good Brought a few inside to un-freeze then re-split. Down to 22%.
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Good you top covered, if the guys here say top cover then top cover it is. Maybe I can get to it tomorrow, but I got a little oak score and possibly some more maple to grab.

Throw a stove top thermo on the stove so she can see when your at 700-800 which is maxing out, glowing is just not good.
 
I thought this was another thread, someone else started a similar one last week and if I remember correctly a psychologist is a member here, maybe he'll read this and chime in, he had some good advice on the other one.
 
Get her a legacy, mine is wicked easy to use and it can take some serious abuse. I usualy turn mine down if i notice it glowing, sometimes I just turn on the blower and open a window or two. Gotta love having a stove.
 
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Matt Ruggeri said:
Our firebrick in the back of the stove has cracked from her repeatedly over-firing.
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FYI, The usual reason for cracked firebricks at the back of the stove is caused by tossing the wood in too hard and slamming it against the bricks at the back. But if I was you, I'd just concentrate on the over firing issue before getting into that one. ;)
 
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Hogwildz said:
Weld a chain to the thing and then lock it around the damn handle. I think she'll get the hint then..
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Last season i actually considered drilling a bunch of self-tappers into the ashpan door! Aye.. she just wanted to reload it for an overnight burn, normally i would, but the firebox is literally half-full of blinding, glowing red coals. It should be hot for about 2 more weeks!
 
Sometimes we women need a visual....welcome home honey.
(fire started by wood stove in NJ)

image.jpg
 
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As I posted in the other recent thread...my wife is not mechanically inclined, and she's not committed to the stove. She likes it, but she won't deal with it.

So here's how we have it worked out. When I'm home, I manage the stove. When I'm not home, my setback thermostats manage the heat level in the house. With my travel schedule and careful use of said thermostats, we now spend about $1300 a year on oil (including DHW), about a quarter or less than what we were spending before we bought the stove (and more recently a high efficiency boiler).

I would not sleep well at night while on the road if I knew she were running the stove as a primary heat source. I'm happy to pay for that small additional amount of oil consumption in return for peace of mind and safety.

I pause whenever we go out and leave the dog at home with the stove lit. Sure, its always properly set, and I'd never leave a house with an early stage burn going in the stove. But...
 
JayD said:
Buy a used pellet stove, Very few women understand the basic's of wood burning. My wife is great but she came with a camping background from when she was young.
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JayD said:
Buy a used pellet stove, Very few women understand the basic's of wood burning. My wife is great but she came with a camping background from when she was young.
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that's like saying very few women are proficient driving a car. I know lots of women Who are very good at running a wood burning stove. have a nice day chief
 
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