The Ten Commandments of Wood Burning

BrotherBart said:

2. Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's woodpile.

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Apply to woodsheds?

Thou shalt not laugh at inventions to cut rounds the same length to help novices & 1/2 blind old geysers, in public.

Thou shalt not burn any wood that is painted, glued, or treated.

Thou shalt burn a little hotter rather than a little cooler.

Blessed are those who sweepeth less than a coffee-can of soot, for they haveth a clean flue.

Never mind, this is a Beatitude, not a Commandment.

Thou shalt not trust the wood dealer when they claim their wood is "well seasoned".

Thou shalt not question the virtues of the mighty Fiskars

Thou shalt not attempt to cut down trees that are above your skill or equiptment level

Thou shalt not use a hydraulic log splitter in horizontal mode.

Thou shalt never purchase wood that will be burned this year.

If you are new to burning wood, Thou shalt check your chimney for creosote on a monthly basis for the first 2 years.

Thou shalt endeavor to learn what types of trees are growing in your area.

Thou shalt not razz Dennis because of the work his wife does.

Thou shalt make it known if one has more firewood on hand than Dennis.

Thou shall ONLY use top down fire start method. Any other method shall be considered witchcraft - and you all know what we do with witches (think Monty Python here) WE BURN THEM

Thou shalt not dry the dog (or cat) on top of the stove that their days may be long upon the land.

Thou SHALT teach thy spouse to operate the stove so that she shall rise while it is yet dark and make the fire--and her children shall call her blessed!

Thou shalt share wood when thy supply shall exceed thy days.

Thou shalt keep thy kindlin' dry.

Thou shalt sleep close to the stove when thou liest down and when thou risest up.

Thou shalt NOT worship thy stove, nor make any graven images thereof!

Thou shalt call thy chimney sweep "friend".

Thou shalt teach thy children not to touch thy stove.

Thou shalt express thy sympathy to the heating oil/propane salesman, for he has been thy faithful servant all these years!

Backwoods Savage said:

Thou shalt not use a hydraulic log splitter in horizontal mode.

Thou shalt never purchase wood that will be burned this year.

If you are new to burning wood, Thou shalt check your chimney for creosote on a monthly basis for the first 2 years.

Thou shalt endeavor to learn what types of trees are growing in your area.

Thou shalt not razz Dennis because of the work his wife does.

Thou shalt make it known if one has more firewood on hand than Dennis.

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Okay, Dennis, how large is thy woodpile? My trailer runneth over!

And what work doth your wife doeth that would cause uth to razz-th Dennis? Sorry, "Dennith"!

Thou shalt not hit thy "send" key twice!

Thou shalt not rub it in when thou shalt find excessive amounts of dry wood in the treeless and waterless desert while thy friends in the forest curse and wail exceedingly for having to find, cut, haul, split, stack and wait fourscore and forty years for the un-dry to become dry. Thou canst not he'p it that they do not live in The Promised Land, which floweth with oak and cedar and all manner of good things for thy stove. :lol:

Thou shall not put false "Magic Heat" befor truley dry wood.

Thou shalt not use regular silicone on a block-off plate.

Thou shalt not rely on any thermometer (especially Rutland) before conducting an accuracy test.

Thou shalt use fire tongs or insulated gloves EVERY TIME you place logs in the fire, especially if you have those iron stop thingy's that prevent splits from falling into the glass...... I still have the scars from cheating.

Thou shalt not continue using the chain saw after getting tired or making mistakes.
Thou shall use personal protection equipment even if only intending to work with the chain saw for a short time.
Behold: Those who burn oak or hickory before its time shall shall be cast among blackened logs without heat.

LLigetfa said:

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's FEL.

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Well, I wouldn't go that far!

carlo said:

Thou shalt use fire tongs or insulated gloves EVERY TIME you place logs in the fire, especially if you have those iron stop thingy’s that prevent splits from falling into the glass

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You don't need those thingy's, tongs or gloves if you load NS.

Blessed are the scroungers for they shall know the kingdom of warmth.

Oh wait, that's a beatitude, too.

ashpanannie said:

Thou Shalt Not covet thy neighbor's chainsaw, hydraulic splitter nor horseless transport.

(It is okay to covet Dixie's horses, however.)

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LOL !! Thanks Annie I love my girls !!

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors dying oak tree, resting upon another of theirs, at the edge of your property.

*looks out back window and sighs*