Son letting stove go cold.

sounds like the same thing i go through but with the wife instead,i dont think i can get my 4year girl to help with the loading just yet, but little does she know her time will come

Got a fifteen year old here. Same old story. Puts more effort into coming up with excuses than what it would take to do something. We can barely get him to take the trash out. He does nothing related to the stove or firewood. What can you do?

Not very encouraging for a guy who's wife is pregnant!
LOL.
I am not old (29) and I would clean the driveway BEFORE my dad went to work on a storm day (no school)

Andrew

Both of my sons let my stove go cold too but in their case, they have a good excuse. They live more than a thousand miles away. Just got home, cleaned out the ashes, cleaned the glass, and got a new fire going.

As a kid I hated helping with the firewood. I could always think of a 100 different places I'd rather be. Back then I also thought my Father was enjoying scrounging, cutting and splitting firewood but he was hating it as much as me. Now that I know that I wish he would have told me. I would have been a bit more understanding and it would have lit a fire under my ass so we could have finished up quicker.

As parents its our job to pass on the legacy (or addiction). It might take a few more seasons though! lol

Well Andrew my perspective is you have to start them young and they have to feel like their doing something worthwhile not just work. Our sons are in their mid 40s now but they always wanted to help. Of course or situation is a little different but I think waiting to involve then in the workings of the household is a mistake. I would start the kids on a job I knew they would love and add to it as they got older. For city people that could be taking care of a pet when the kid is very small. They will learn that athe pet suffers if they do not keep a good schedule. Also there should always be something for the kids to aspire to. During one period it was hunting. I said as soon as you can hold the rifle properly we would teach you to shoot and hunt. The kids would ask to try the rifle every month. It became our 1st of the month duty to let them fit the rifle. This is what worked for us. I also think most family's do not regularly engage in outdoor activities as a unit. By outdoor activities I do not mean going to some service oriented playday like Disney Land. Hiking, skiing, fishing, biking,rollerskating etc.etc.

My son is 14 and he earns 1 dollar a day to wheelbarrow 2 loads of wood from my stack to the back door: neatly stacked.

I think I agree

Growing up single parented (mother passed away when I was 9) my dad got me helping out around the house quite a bit. I felt it was rewarding. That is why I would clean the driveway for him before he went to work when school was canceled due to a storm. I was a very competitive athlete and participated in plenty of outdoor activities. I loved my computer but MADE the time to enjoy outdoors.

I plan on having my kid outdoors daily when it's born, no matter what the temperature is!

I also feel that treating them as a FRIEND is not the way to go (as some new parents seem to believe). You're a parent before a friend...once they're 18, then you can be a friend.

Andrew

Hit him in the pocket and/or privledges.

That'll get him thinking.

It was the Dixette & I since she was 11. The 2 older ones were out & about at that point. It was important that she stay involved in horses back then, and as a single parent it was tough to do. But we did it. She never quibbled or argued about chores, shoveling manure, etc., because she knew that that was how it had to be.

I agree with The Swede about the "friend" issue, except make it like 21, or older. The SO took that easier approach with his 2. It's why we live apart. Other wise, I'd be on News 12 one morning, right in your living room. In handcuffs >:-(

I've split wood for my parents since maybe 10. Loved it then and still do. I have girls twins 9, they help with what they can. I think they would still rather do something else. They do let me know when the fire is going down. I guess its better than them getting them selves in a pickle and burning the house down.

I am shocked! Shocked, I say, that 14 and 15 year olds are stubborn and dislike chores.

BrowningBAR said:

I am shocked! Shocked, I say, that 14 and 15 year olds are stubborn and dislike chores.

Click to expand...

Had 'em, have ya?

They don't realize that you know all of the tricks.

Doing The Dixie Eyed Hustle said:

BrowningBAR said:

I am shocked! Shocked, I say, that 14 and 15 year olds are stubborn and dislike chores.

Click to expand...

Had 'em, have ya?

They don't realize that you know all of the tricks.

Click to expand...

Nope, don't have kids, but I do vividly remember what I was like from 13-17.

Sounds like a typical 14 year old to me. A couple of well-timed kicks in the a$$ will get him on the straight and narrow by the time he's 18!

I was another one of those kids that was always willing to get chores done. Never had to "remind" me, I owe it all to 4-H and my horses, too, Dixie. Didn't matter that it was below zero or there was 15" of snow, they still needed to be watered and fed at the appointed times. A whinnied greeting and the warm smell of the barn made it OK.

Agree on parents being parents, too. "The long arm of the law", lol. A couple of my friends have gone the "friend" route and have kids that wouldn't survive bath time with me, lol. Funny, though, when the kids are here and I tell 'em to "knock it off" they snap to it. No time for that crap, thanks, which is probably why I never started a collection of kids of my very own!

I think imbuing kids with a feeling that their contributions are important, meaningful, and helpful is how you get them to think in terms of the big picture and how being "helpful" makes everyone's life easier. Thinking back on it, Mum was always big on carefully phrasing things: "would you do the dishes for me, dear?" or, "I'm in a pinch for time, would you clean off the car for me, please?". Dad quickly learned that compliance was gotten more quickly with implied courtesy when I entered my 'teens. He also found that it fostered generosity and "thinking ahead". It's nice to be recognized for making an effort.

davidv said:

So just before midnight I loaded the stove up and went to bed. My wife asked me to sleep in ( she worries about me never getting enough rest.) so when I woke up around 7 I rolled over and went back to sleep even though I could hear the heat was on. ( I had set it to 62 to make sure the house stayed comfortable.) When I got up around 9 and came downstairs my 14 year old was on the couch. I asked wny he hadn't started the fire back up. "It's not that cold" he says. I informed him that it "wasn't that cold" because the heat was on. It was 18 degrees outside. So I had him help me load the stove. There were still a few red coals in the back of the stove and it started slowly back up. I also turned off the heat and told everyone that " it's wod heat or nothing, this weekend."
I don't want to wring his neck, but I was hoping for a little more common sense from him. He stacks firewood, splits it sometimes, has to fetch the wood every day. You would think he would take interest in how the stove works to keep him warm. I think I am going to have to put a lock on the thermostat and make him burn or be cold.

Click to expand...

does this boy have a cell phone, ipod, internet access, bicycle, watch tv, you know, all these fine things he just lost until he get's the message?

sit him down, talk to him, and tell him if you ain't up and around, or you ain't home, it's his job to fire the stove up.

if he doesn't comply, then that's an invitation to engage in further parenting of course, at this point, you will no longer be very well liked by him, but hey, i often say to those i work with, you are this childs parent, they are supposed to be mad at you!

you COULD pay him for his services, in an attempt to motivate and change his behavior, but i always disliked paying someone to do something they should be doing already.

another choice here is to do nothing, burn some oil/natural gas, and forget about it.

Whenever he sleeped on the couch my son always did that too...never did find a fix.

It's not easy in 2010 to keep traditional family values. People are running all over the place during meal time (when I was young, NOT LONG AGO, at supper time EVERYONE ate together). With the Internet, Ipods, Video games, etc it's not easy to keeo kids focused. My wife is a teacher and I am a cop, I am young (29) and have been a first h and witness at the new generations.

Also, it comes down to parenting. I have seen kids who are FULLY responsible for keeping a fire going in the house (parents are passed out) and in consequence, they don't make it to school. It's a sad situation at times.

With good communication and parenting, anything is possible. But you have have CORE family values to stand the test of time. No purchasing alcohol for your kids until they are of age, not at 14 year. No purchasing ilicit drugs for them. Simply teach them responsibility, honnesty and hard work and the rest will work itself out.

As I said before and will say again, the role of a a parent is just that: PARENT. Not friend, drinking buddy, smoking buddy, etc. Those years will come. The first 16-20 years are the most important, after that they're no longer as easily influencible.

Andrew

As everyone has said- actions (or lack of) have consequences.
Consistent consequences.
You enjoy the benefits of this home and family and those benefits carry responsibilities.
Lack of seeing to chores should bring instant consequences, and I would hit them where it hurts- deny access to any and all electronic devices for xx hours.
No cell, TV, gaming, computer, mp3, etc. for xx hours.
Hand him a book about something educational.

My wife's pregnant with our first son, and last week on my chalkboard (I teach high school freshmen) I wrote the following:

"My life's greatest hope and challenge will be to teach my son to be: friendly, loving, hopeful, optimistic, hard-working, honest, dedicated, trustworthy, romantic, chivalrous, faithful, virtuous, brave, and loyal" and shared with them the following story about my dad:

Three Christmases ago, my two brothers, my best friend (my father's fourth son), and my father went out for our annual Christmas shopping extravaganza. After eating lunch, before the shopping began, my father began to cough and got a bloody nose. Since he is on Plavix (blood-thinner) for his heart stent, it would not stop bleeding and we had to take him to the hospital.

Within half an hour, my father was choking on his own blood and going pale quickly when the doctor came in and put a 'balloon' up his nose to stop the bleeding. When he could finally speak, the doctor asked how he was feeling, to which my father replied: "Oh, I'm fine. Doc, these are my three boys..." and he proceeded to talk about us.

My father once said that the greatest thing he has to share with the world is his family. Once a year, I ask him to come speak with my students so they can see our relationship and realize it's ok, nay great, to get along with one's parents.

S

You did what I would of in your situation.

Also, don't let him be able to go to a friends house if it gets cold.

There are two things in life that leave lasting memories. One is cold, the other is hunger.
For some, lecturing or punishing never works.

Make him responsible for one 24 hour period over the weekend for the heat.
If it starts to get cold the parents and any siblings can go tell him they are cold.
If he wants to lay under the covers and tough it out I would make it clear that the cook never makes meals when cold.
If that all goes well and catches his attention I would also occasionally get a little lax on putting wood in the stove and see if he picks up the slack. If he does, thank him.
If he is able to see that his contribution to the house is appreciated it might make him feel more motivated to be more vigilant and help. It will make him feel like a team player. If he fails the whole team fails.
Some call it brain washing, others conditioning. I call it living life.

Ever wonder why we have trillions in debt now? It's the "someone else will take care of it" syndrome.