How Does Santa Sneak Past Your Stove?

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Stump_Branch

Stump_Branch

Minister of Fire
Nov 12, 2010
878
MD
I have Always Grown up with a Stove or Insert. And yet I still cant seem to remember what my parents said or if I even cared that much about the explanation at that age to let my mind venture any further on the matter. when the term 'magic' was used in the first place, all you seemed to focus on was the shiny presents under the tree.
Now I am no where near, not even measurably close to having children. I think my wife and I will enjoy freedom and bliss of being newlyweds for a long stretch of time before taking on that adventure. Two dogs are more then we can handle now anyhow. My question would to all those others who do, did, or were smart enough at such a young age to think about it. What do you tell them when they ask? other the 'magic' anyone got anything clever?

How does Santa squeeze down that flue pipe, past the raging fire without getting burned, open the door to get to the milk and cookies?
 
Homeboy shrinks down. Wears asbestos. Wolverine-like regenerative powers. Plus- when you do the calculation on how fast he needs to move- he's in more danger of combustion from the friction of flying way more than the time he'd spend in the stove.
 
Christmas is still on for this year??? OMG. If ya listen to the news they make it sound like armadeddeon is coming
 
Santa has come through the front door, Finnish-style, for a few generations in my family.
 
being that I am closely associated with "The Man in Red" all I can say is...it is indeed magic. I could get into the minutia of how he manipulates the cosmos....but that would just ruin the whole thing. But I will tell you how David Copperfield flies.........pixie dust & happy thoughts, Pan style.
 
Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive!
Sir Walter Scott

Frankly, like most parents we've always taught our kids that it's wrong to lie. Eventually kids see through all the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus nonsense and realize they've been lied to. When they do it send the message to young developing minds that all adults are hypocrite liars and not to be trusted.
You might want to re-think your the whole thing.

Plenty of ways to have fun with your kids without all that nonsense. %-P
 
We didn't have a fireplace or a stove so we just left the front door unlocked when I was a kid. Me and my sister knew it was bullshit but we went along with it for Mom and Dad's entertainment.
 
Oh come on here im seeking creativity! I have seen everything from the most castle like wood sheds, to wood stacks, splitters, splitting techniques, combination of wood species in the stove for longest/hotest burn times/temps, but the best we got is the front door? (do like the twisting cosmos, asbestos suit, wolverine type super powers)

No lying isnt good but, I mean come on. no holiday cheer or spirit in the air?
 
rayza said:
Santa leaves ash boot prints on the wooden family room floor all the way from the stove to the tree. The kids go wild when the see the boot prints. Santa wears a size 13.
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see now thats what im talking about
 
You didn't know that his slay has an air cannon that can shoot him down the chimney so fast that it creates a protective pocket in front of him, of course aided by the seal that his furry coat creates?

He emerges not even warm to the touch.
 
Due to downsizing he delivers via FedEx Home Delivery now.
 
Santa gets his but burnt when he comes down the chimneys. Threw the door bang un lawful entry.
 
Santa has outsourced his deliveries and even his manufacturing is done in China.

Seriously, we never fed our 4 kids any of the Santa/Easter Bunny foolishness. Mostly because we have taught them to trust in Christ, and don't want a fake faith in Santa to overshadow a real faith in our true Savior.

But if I did... I think I'd tell them that when Santa sees the piles of wood, he know that he should give extra toys because those kids probably end up carrying wood every day. And the piles also alert him to use the back door.
 
Adios Pantalones said:
If I had kids, I would tell them he's impervious to fire because he dwells on the 7th plane of Hades.

But that's me.
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Some people shouldn't have children. :lol:
 
I guess you could always just say that its colder in the north pole then here, Santa burns more wood then we do, so he just knows. Like the naughty or nice routine.

Speaking of for you coal burners, tell me you wouldnt love to get coal for christmas, wish that lore was that same for a full cord properly seasoned oak. Then I would have to make Naughty a full time job rather then the lazy job I do at it now.
 
madrone said:
Santa has come through the front door, Finnish-style, for a few generations in my family.
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That is easier to explain. However, it is more difficult to explain "Joulupukki", the Finnish name for Santa Claus. The direct english translation is "yule goat".
 
Carbon_Liberator said:
Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive!
Sir Walter Scott

Frankly, like most parents we've always taught our kids that it's wrong to lie. Eventually kids see through all the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus nonsense and realize they've been lied to. When they do it send the message to young developing minds that all adults are hypocrite liars and not to be trusted.
You might want to re-think your the whole thing.

Plenty of ways to have fun with your kids without all that nonsense. %-P
Click to expand...

You mean there isn't a Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus?? Next you'll be telling us bacon, pork chops, ham, and ribs come from one animal :-D!
 
He moves so quickly, the heat barely warms him enough to take the chill of the Jolly old man from the sleigh ride around the world, as he goes house to house. Think of the speed he goes to visit a billion plus homes in 1 night, spread over many continents, and crossing many oceans.
No way could a mere fire burn him as he paases thru a flame at upwards of 80 trillion miles per hour. :)
 
Mcbride said:
He moves so quickly, the heat barely warms him enough to take the chill of the Jolly old man from the sleigh ride around the world, as he goes house to house. Think of the speed he goes to visit a billion plus homes in 1 night, spread over many continents, and crossing many oceans.
No way could a mere fire burn him as he paases thru a flame at upwards of 80 trillion miles per hour. :)
Click to expand...


But the friction from moving that quickly through our atmosphere would.
 
He sacrifices elves and reindeer and uses their dead bodies to snuff out the flame and insulate himself from the heat. Santa then uses the antler from one of the dead and burning reindeer to pry open the front doors of the stove. While Santa lays out the gifts under the trees, the moisture in the bodies of the elves and reindeer burn off. By the time Santa makes his way up through the chimney again, the moisture level in the dead are low enough to reignite the stove so no one is the wiser. Unfortunately, elf and deer produce an obscene amount of creosote which is the true reason as to why stove pipes need to be cleaned.

A dirty little secret is that Santa gets large kick backs from the evil Chimney Sweep lobbyists each year to continue this practice.
 
In the projects Santa has a good supply of Magic Dust.

We did the Santa learned to use a door knob just like everyone else story.
It was either that or we'd have to shiver in the cold with the fire out on Christmas Eve. No Thanx.
Might have been a good way to keep the kids in bed when they got a little older, though. Too cold to peek. :)
 
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