Hi Jon, welcome to the forum, and welcome to the world of soapstone. It can be a bit of a fraught path to get the hang of this stove, but I can assure you that when you work it out, this is a fine heater, and I think you'll be very happy with it.
I don't claim expertise, as this is my kindergarten year with this stove, but I will offer you my experience, and suggest that you weight the words of the been-at-it-awhile's more heavily than mine.
I will preface them by saying I live in interior Alaska, and not only has it been my primary source of heat this winter, but since my boiler went down about three weeks ago, it's been my only source of heat--and it's been cold. `The Rock', as some folks call these stoves, has not just kept the plumbing thawed, but we've been ridiculously comfortable for folks in the throes of an `emergency'. I have a two-story, 2000 s.f. house, and kids, a dog, and a full-time job, and have been able to juggle this heat without major trauma-drama. I tell you this to offer you encouragement--that's the kind of performance that you should be able to get out of this stove, and hopefully will once you get the hang of it.
Your statement that the flue is out the back for 20" caught my eye first off. I would want to turn to the pros on this one, but I seem to recall hearing that this stove is not really designed for a vertical run. Don't know if that would be making the difference, but it's a factor to look into while you are going down the list. I'm guessing from all you've said that you're running it out a masonry chimney, so your choices may be limited.
Regarding overnight fires:
I get ash, too, and usually empty it once a day. Takes about five minutes, max, if I have a bed of coals I'm trying to preserve--about two minutes otherwise. I smile and pay up.
My current technique for overnight fires is to rake the coals to the front of the stove, and cap that with a split. I try not to have more coals than I can actually cover with the cap split. Sometimes, if the coals are plentiful and lively, I'll let them burn down until they're ashed over a bit, and this slows the burn rate down enough for this to work. After the cap split, I put a large spit in the back of the stove behind this piece, adjacent to, not on the first, and not touching any coals. I then put another smaller split on top of the cap piece. If there's room, I slip in another piece. These three or four splits are packed in pretty tight, like books on a shelf. I do *not* get this blazing at this point, because if I did, my fire would be burned out by morning; instead, I turn the front air intake down as far as it will go, and turn the stack damper ajar. (Mine is an in-stack assemby that is designed to be used as a unit in the stovepipe assembly, an optional add-on. The damper is directly above the stove, as I felt that this would be the location least likely to sustain creosote buildup.)
Because the splits are dense and large, the coals have to burn through the first before the rest ignite. In the morning, I usually have enough left of the big split to throw some small hot splits on and get my burn-out-the-creosote fire. When this has burned down to coals, I repeat the night-fire protocol, and shut the air supply down as above and go off to work. Usually come home to enough coals to start the evening fire. At this point, I again fire it up and let any residue in the stack burn off (I hope!) If I don't burn it this way, I usually only have a few coals left in the morning or when I get home--but the stove is usually still throwing off heat, and therefore comes up to temp more readily. With this protocol, I can burn 24-7. I set coals aside or two the front and scoop the ashes from around them when I need to empty them.
I have had so much draft in that stove at times that when the door was open, it huffed like a locomotive.
I have been burning almost nothing but seasoned poplar in there--aspen and cottonwood. If I burn small splits like the others describe, my fire gets very hot and burns out quickly. To dependably get an overnight fire, I include a split that's about 1/2-1/3 of a 10-12" round; same with my gone-all-day fire.
I have an interior stack, straight up, no offsets through a two story house (8'ceilings, 10" spacing for floor joists between stories, and through a cold attic that is comes to a total of about 24', I believe. It's double-wall pipe from the first ceiling up.
Stove keeps the house consistently around 70F day and night, unless I get off that schedule, when it can drop to about 60 at the coldest (except the night the gasket came out--a story for another day). My stovetop temps run between 250 and 450 usually (according to the cheap-o mag thermometer I have on the stovetop). I got it up to about 550 once, and that's the highest I've seen. Made me nervous, that. No indication yet of any chimney blockage or buildup. Cleaning the window, if needed, cleaning out the ashes, and getting a fire going usually only takes about ten minutes of concentrated effort and another ten of intermittent tending (while feeding dog and starting dinner).
If you could describe (or include a picture) of what you mean by coaling and ash, we might be of more use. I know that I sometimes have some small coals that go out in the ash pan, but since I scoop my ashes rather than take them out through the ash drawer, it's no big deal.
Hope this is helpful, even if it's contradictory to some of your other advice.