How to get the Wife to understand?!?!!

[lml999]

Remember, between the two of you, the only one you can change is you!

 

[Backwoods Savage]

Sorry to not go with the crowd, but if I were faced with that situation, there would not be a wood stove in the house. That would be a much better situation than coming home some day and finding the house on fire and not being able to find wife and kids. Simply put, sometimes you can not change things like how someone runs a stove and realizing what can happen, you are better off without that stove for heating the home.

The only other option is to make sure you are the man of the house and make your orders stick. If that can not be done....

 

[lml999]

Sorry to not go with the crowd, but if I were faced with that situation, there would not be a wood stove in the house. That would be a much better situation than coming home some day and finding the house on fire and not being able to find wife and kids. Simply put, sometimes you can not change things like how someone runs a stove and realizing what can happen, you are better off without that stove for heating the home.

The only other option is to make sure you are the man of the house and make your orders stick. If that can not be done....

Completely agree with the first. Think you left out the "tongue in cheek smilie" in the second...

 

[Hoozie]

Sorry to not go with the crowd, but if I were faced with that situation, there would not be a wood stove in the house. That would be a much better situation than coming home some day and finding the house on fire and not being able to find wife and kids. Simply put, sometimes you can not change things like how someone runs a stove and realizing what can happen, you are better off without that stove for heating the home. The only other option is to make sure you are the man of the house and make your orders stick. If that can not be done....

Sadly... I agree. This isn't a disagreement about what position the toilet seat should be left in. She either needs to use the stove correctly, or not use it at all...

 

[Backwoods Savage]

That was not intended as a tongue in cheek statement.

 

[Dix]

[quote="JayD, post: 1601500, member: 2058", Very few women understand the basic's of wood burning. [/quote]

That's a crock of some thing.

 

[Dix]

I worked later today than usual, started the stove (CDW 2461) for her when I left around noon. Just got home and the damper is wide open, and the ash door is cracked about an inch. Dont have my I.R. probe here, but i'm gonna guess the flue collar connector has to be over 1000, because the bolts were glowing red, and the inside of the double wall is about the same. Stove is about 3/4 full of glowing red coal. I've explained to her how to properly work the stove, but she's of the old school "it ain't heat until the pipe is glowing". We've had many heated debates (pardon the pun) over how to work a woodstove, and i gave up. I walked over to the stove, closed the damper, shut the ash door, and choked back the intake. At least the stovetop is cranking now! In the 9 hours I was gone she burned through about a weeks worth of wood. Not asking anyone to save my marriage, but Any ideas on how I can make her understand how dangerous this actually is? Our firebrick in the back of the stove has cracked from her repeatedly over-firing.

Send her here for a week or 2. I'll take care of that problem right quick.

*I feel like I am repeating myself, some one correct me if I am wrong, please*

 

[Dix]

Sorry to not go with the crowd, but if I were faced with that situation, there would not be a wood stove in the house. That would be a much better situation than coming home some day and finding the house on fire and not being able to find wife and kids. Simply put, sometimes you can not change things like how someone runs a stove and realizing what can happen, you are better off without that stove for heating the home.

The only other option is to make sure you are the man of the house and make your orders stick. If that can not be done....

LMAO !!

 

[Dix]

And, I won't comment on the driving a "car" issue, just yet.

Seriously?? Com' on.

 

[Charles1981]

red hot stove has got to stop or the stove has to go. I for one don't want to find myself, my wife or my family on the barbecue side of a fire.

Maybe you can call the fire department and have them speak to her??! I have no idea. Whoever thinks anything glowing red should be in their house needs a major intervention pronto.

 

[Matt Ruggeri]

And, I won't comment on the driving a "car" issue, just yet.

Seriously?? Com' on.

HAH! Ok, i'll give her that one, she's a much more defensive driver than me. Notice I didn't say 'better'? Tonight I got home and she had it going perfectly. No Ash Door open, Bypass closed up tight, nice secondaries going, and the firebox was packed just right!. All I said was "thanks", she just kinda smiled. Hell must be beginning to freeze over!

 

[Backwoods Savage]

That is good Matt, but when I began reading your post, what you quoted, I fear the real serious situation is still sort of a laughing matter with you or you just sort of sluff it off. That is as bad as what your wife has been doing with the stove! Why? Because it now the fault of both of you. We do wish you and your wife well, but it scares the he!! out of us and we fear for your whole family.

btw, have you ever dealt with an insurance company other than paying the bills? That is, after a tragedy? Just try to imagine in this particular case what could happen. You have already posted on a public forum what has been going on in the home. Do you think perhaps the insurance company might have access to what you have publicly stated? Do you think they might be able to use that against you? Think! And now think of the trauma your family would be forced to go through. Think! Now act!

 

[Matt Ruggeri]

That is good Matt, but when I began reading your post, what you quoted, I fear the real serious situation is still sort of a laughing matter with you or you just sort of sluff it off. That is as bad as what your wife has been doing with the stove! Why? Because it now the fault of both of you. We do wish you and your wife well, but it scares the he!! out of us and we fear for your whole family.

btw, have you ever dealt with an insurance company other than paying the bills? That is, after a tragedy? Just try to imagine in this particular case what could happen. You have already posted on a public forum what has been going on in the home. Do you think perhaps the insurance company might have access to what you have publicly stated? Do you think they might be able to use that against you? Think! And now think of the trauma your family would be forced to go through. Think! Now act!

Trust me man, it makes for un-needed stress and sleepless nights when this happens, I will watch it like a hawk, and inspect every single part of the whole system. It's NOT often at all when she chooses to run it, maybe once or twice a season. I've tried to stress that this isn't something as simple as a sock on the floor, or a paper out of place. I was just trying to find about 3 seconds of comic relief in the situation! It is rare that she runs the stove, and I would love her to be able to so in a safe way. And, yes i've had to deal with Insurance companies before, NOT FUN! If you want the gory details, you can always PM Me!

 

[MrWhoopee]

After thinking about this for a while, I suspect it's not about running the stove at all. You have instructed her (several times) on the correct way to operate the stove. She now knows how it should be done, further instuction will not help. This looks like classic passive-aggressive behavior. She's really pissed about something else and this is how she expresses her displeasure/frustration. Think about it, is there something she has (repeatedly) asked you to do or not do which continues unchanged?

Disclaimer:The views expressed are solely my opinion. I am not a professional psychologist or anything like that. I do, however, have a great deal of personal experience with passive-aggressive behavior. YMMV

Edit: Just saw the OP's last post. Congratulations, let's hope it sticks.

 

[firefighterjake]

And, I won't comment on the driving a "car" issue, just yet.

Seriously?? Com' on.

I truly don't know how you and the rest of the Women of Hearth.com do it . . . hearing the same sort of thing about women and wood burning . .. over and over and over . . . as if somehow having a dongle in the front automatically makes it easier to run a woodstove. Good Lord . . . as I said . . . I don't know how you gals deal with hearing the same thing over and over.

 

[begreen]

I think the best way to get your wife to understand is to first understand your wife and where she is coming from. There are some valid points from her pov too. Maintaining an intense, contained fire in one's living room is not for everyone. Give it time.