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I Think My Wife Is Trying To Eliminate Me!

Post in 'The Wood Shed' started by Monkey Wrench, Nov 19, 2009.

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  1. Monkey Wrench

    Monkey Wrench Feeling the Heat

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2009
    Messages:
    304
    Loc:
    On The Farm
    It all started with me retireing, and our 25th. wedding anniv.

    She thought that I would get bored with retirement. So she purchased a wood stove for herself, and a maul for me!
    This cutting, bucking, splitting, loading, unloading, stacking,etc.etc..etc..

    I think she has evil intentions..possibly trying to save the cost of a Hit-Man.

    I'm on my 3rd week into this beautiful???/ adventure, and my 2nd bottle of ibprofin.

    This kind of work puts teeth into the old statement "Dieing Breed"

    I think she wants to read in the paper.

    Poor Good 'Ole Boy Frank, was found died on the back 40 of his farm today.
    EMT pronounced him dead at the scene.
    Cause of death is uncertien at this time but was either

    Heart failure
    Multiple snake bits
    The 42" dia tree on him
    Or loss of blood from the chain saw cuts

    This world willn't be the same with out him!

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  2. Danno77

    Danno77 Minister of Fire

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2008
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    4,758
    Loc:
    Hamilton, IL
    lol.

    so what's all of that make me? suicidal? I brought all this pain onto myself!!!!
  3. Shari

    Shari Minister of Fire

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2008
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    2,251
    Loc:
    Wisconsin
    Have you checked your life insurance policy lately? Does it contain a clause that allows double indemnity for 'accidental death'? :)

    Shari
  4. Tony H

    Tony H New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
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    1,156
    Loc:
    N Illinois
    Time to fight fire with fire so to speak , it sounds to me like you need a fake job yes you heard me a fake job no pay no benefits no boss. I hear they are going fast
  5. gzecc

    gzecc Minister of Fire

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    3,735
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    NNJ
    Monkey, Make sure while your going out the back "somebody else" isnt coming in the front!
  6. Duetech

    Duetech Minister of Fire

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2008
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    1,436
    Loc:
    S/W MI
    Acatually no. She wants you around longer but she wants you out of the house. Did you make the mistake of criticizing one or more of her soaps? That is a cardinal taboo. Of course you could be hoggin' the tv watching a soap different than she wants to watch!? There is a possbility that she has a rigorous "honey do" list she wants you to be able to do before your foot hits the bucket and this is just the warm up.
  7. Gunks

    Gunks Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2009
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    217
    Loc:
    Ulster Cty, NY
    I think your wife is trying to save on therapist's fees. You'll be bored out of your mind in retirement if you don't have wood to load, split and stack.
  8. Pagey

    Pagey Minister of Fire

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2008
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    Middle TN
    Skip a couple of life insurance premiums to get her attention. :lol:
  9. smokinj

    smokinj Minister of Fire

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
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    15,969
    Loc:
    Anderson, Indiana


    Buck up Buckaroo think how strong you will be in a couple of season’s you may just out live her…lol
  10. billb3

    billb3 Minister of Fire

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2007
    Messages:
    3,467
    Loc:
    SE Mass
    Keep taking breaks and tracking mud into the house .
    If you're lucky she'll buy you a boat and a fishing pole.
  11. drdoct

    drdoct Feeling the Heat

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2008
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    431
    Loc:
    Griffin, GA
    Seems like a good reason to build a nice wood shed with a little tinkering spot for you. Find a good splitter and saw and you've got a nice retirement with a good reason to have alone time when you want it.
  12. ChrisNJ

    ChrisNJ Feeling the Heat

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2009
    Messages:
    374
    Loc:
    Burlington County

    Thats what I was thinking, either he will get all buff or have a heart attack :p
  13. 'bert

    'bert Minister of Fire

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    Sep 18, 2007
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    842
    Loc:
    East of the Rockies West of the Rest, North of 49
    In MY house the wood game is co-ed. At least it is suppose to be? The other half of my co - ed team does not seem to show up all that often :-S She keeps going on about a full time job, look'n after the house and 2 kids blah blah....

    Oh well, as long as she shows up with a sandwich and a cold beer while I am working the wood, that's good enough for me. And it's nice (and a bit amazing) how she is always able to time her break for right about 2 minutes after I come back to the shop with the saws and splitter, just in time for a cold beer.
  14. thewoodlands

    thewoodlands Minister of Fire

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    10,825
    When you start your Christmas shopping make sure you buy that splitter you always wanted, she'll understand.

    Zap
  15. Duetech

    Duetech Minister of Fire

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    1,436
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    S/W MI
    That is pure genious. But alas I have been enlightened several years too late but it don't mean I couldn't try for an improved model. (and yes I mean the boat. Who in his right mind would give up a wife like that??)
  16. Corey

    Corey Minister of Fire

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2005
    Messages:
    2,120
    Loc:
    Midwest
    Ya - definitely make it a point to ask for upgraded equipment for b-day / christmas, just don't make the mistake I did. Wife ask what I wanted for my birthday and I said a new wood splitter would be nice. Then I mentioned possibly if she was a tall brunette with nice legs and big.... Well, you can imagine that didn't go over too well.
  17. Ratman

    Ratman Feeling the Heat

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    458
    Loc:
    Bedford, NH
    Monkey Wrench,

    You will know for sure if she sets up a meeting with someone that you absolutely trust, guaranteeing your safety.
    And at that meeting, you'll be assassinated.
  18. Monkey Wrench

    Monkey Wrench Feeling the Heat

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2009
    Messages:
    304
    Loc:
    On The Farm
    Good One !!
    I really don't want to loose this one. Took me 25 years to get her trained right!!!!!!!

    Any way I'm milking this project. New equipment so far and I will be adding
    New saw
    New 27t splitter
    New chaps
    New gloves x 3
    New winch for the Polaris

    I'm not even close to being finished . What do all think about a 4th saw? Maybe a ms290 or Husky 455.
  19. bambam

    bambam Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2009
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    Loc:
    south/central Pa
    If you think you have her trained right, then she definately has you trained properly.
  20. PapaDave

    PapaDave Minister of Fire

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    5,740
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    Northern MI - in the mitten
    Got a death wish, eh?
    My wife would come right back with "SURE, and I'll get myself a nice buff well h*** young guy to keep ME company". :ahhh:
    Some things just aren't funny to women.
  21. PapaDave

    PapaDave Minister of Fire

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    BING, BING, BING, BING!
    There's that perspective thing again.
  22. PapaDave

    PapaDave Minister of Fire

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    I have one, and my advise is to not get one. Too heavy. If you have the moola, get a lighter saw with at least as much oomph, and put on some kind of NON-safety chain. You can thank me later.
  23. jadm

    jadm New Member

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    colorado
    True love is a dangerous thing indeed. :-/
  24. woodjack

    woodjack Minister of Fire

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    Jan 10, 2008
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    Loc:
    Woodstock, NY
    If there's one thing i learned, Never try to outsmart a woman.
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