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Intelligent falling

Post in 'The Inglenook' started by Mrs. Krabappel, Jan 22, 2012.

  1. Mrs. Krabappel

    Mrs. Krabappel Minister of Fire

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    http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/#

    Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
    August 17, 2005 | ISSUE 41•33

    05.14.97 KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

    Rev. Gabriel Burdett explains Intelligent Falling.
    "Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

    Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

    Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

    According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

    The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."

    "We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

    Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

    "Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

    Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.

    "Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

    "Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

    Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

    "Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."

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  2. BrotherBart

    BrotherBart Hearth.com LLC Mid-Atlantic Division Staff Member

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    Anytime I fall I blame it on God. Not on me for being a klutz.
  3. CTYank

    CTYank Minister of Fire

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    One big troll-job, seems from here. Or something really bad in the water in KC.

    Faith is over here; reasoning is over there. "faith-based reasoning"? You funny. How 'bout "intelligence-based stupid arrogance"?

    Okay, back to sanity and planet earth.

    P.S. Kathleen, where do you find this s&*t? Or does it find you?
  4. bluedogz

    bluedogz Minister of Fire

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    Dude, it 's the ONION. Take a look at their website. 100% satire.
  5. fossil

    fossil Accidental Moderator Staff Member

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    C'mon...ever heard of The Onion? Check the link at the very top of Kat's post.
  6. Mrs. Krabappel

    Mrs. Krabappel Minister of Fire

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    Yeah, it's satire, but great response!!
  7. snowleopard

    snowleopard Minister of Fire

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    . . . and thus the invocation with each stumble? . . .
  8. begreen

    begreen Mooderator Staff Member

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    Maybe this could be best described as "intelligence failing"?
  9. Mrs. Krabappel

    Mrs. Krabappel Minister of Fire

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  10. fossil

    fossil Accidental Moderator Staff Member

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    I'll revisit the strength of my belief in secular gravity when lambs fly. :lol:
  11. pen

    pen There are some who call me...mod. Staff Member

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    Outstanding!

    It's well known that gravity doesn't act equally upon all bodies; ask any drunk and I'll, I mean they, will tell you the same thing.

    pen
  12. PapaDave

    PapaDave Minister of Fire

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    Every time I fall, I say dod gammit, therefore, it must be God doing it.
    There, how's that for reasoning? :coolsmile:
    Love the little lambie, Kathleen. Ours goats flew like that.
  13. yooperdave

    yooperdave Minister of Fire

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    WHEW! For a bit there, I thought K got into her hooch tonight...
  14. begreen

    begreen Mooderator Staff Member

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    When I looked for gravity images I found lots of big boobs defying gravity. But this is a family forum, so here's some other cuties instead.

    Attached Files:

  15. Mrs. Krabappel

    Mrs. Krabappel Minister of Fire

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    BG that reminds me of some interesting data
    http://www.nytimes.com/1989/08/22/science/on-landing-like-a-cat-it-is-a-fact.html

    "Even more surprising, the longer the fall, the greater the chance of survival. Only one of 22 cats that plunged from above 7 stories died, and there was only one fracture among the 13 that fell more than 9 stories. The cat that fell 32 stories on concrete, Sabrina, suffered a mild lung puncture and a chipped tooth. She was released from the hospital after 48 hours."


    http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing004.gif
  16. begreen

    begreen Mooderator Staff Member

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    had a few cases like that in Seattle recently. cats are amazing animals.
  17. fossil

    fossil Accidental Moderator Staff Member

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    All animals are amazing...homo sapiens most certainly included.
  18. Adios Pantalones

    Adios Pantalones Minister of Fire

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    I saw a study on cats falling- they survived better from greater heights. Slow motion video reveals that they first turn their top half to face the ground, and the bottom half catches up when they have their bearings. Below a certain height they don't have enough time to brace/align themselves this way.

    I read the onion every day. Best stuff on the web.
  19. WES999

    WES999 Minister of Fire

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    That only confirms what many of us already know.
    There is no such thing as gravity.




    The earth just sucks.
  20. DAKSY

    DAKSY Patriot Guard Rider Staff Member

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    Speaking of cats...

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      Cats.jpg
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