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Posted By Mrs. Krabappel,
Jul 9, 2013 at 2:24 AM
Some simple home remedies
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
THOUGHT for the day:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN THEY'RE PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
SOME ADDITIONAL ADVICE:
NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TAKE A LAXATIVE AND SLEEPING PILLS ON THE SAME NIGHT
It is also advisable to never go sky diving while also suffering from diarrhea. Not too good in a sail plane either.
Two guys are walking home after a regular night at the local pub.
As they walk along a seedy hooded man approaches them and shoves them into an ally and pulls out a gun.
“Give me your wallets” he demands
“Now just a second” says one. “All you really want is our cash am I right?”
“Yea” reply's the robber.
“OK then, why don’t we just give you our cash and avoid all the hassle, could you at least do that for us?”
“Yea, yea just give me the cash and make it quick” reply's the robber.
“OK, OK.” Turning to his buddy he says “Jim lets just give him our cash and be done with this.”
“Sure George” Jim reply's “and by the way, here’s that Twenty I owe you.”
It was a lucky day for my son by picking the right holes. We wondered where the tweezers went.
wow....careful son, that ain't "Operation"!
He got close to one of those 'Bet you wont do that again' moments...
7 year olds and MacGyver re-runs on Netflix are a dangerous combination.
LOL...glad he's OK. In other "Parent of the year" news...came home to this a few years back
What? And you didn't do that either at his age? I bet he nailed the landing.
Good ole Calvin...