Here's a really big fireplace. Let's call it a Monster Fireplace.
http://www.rumford.com/R120.html
I like to post this every year, although I can't seem to find last year's post that contained all the clever (fictitious) optional accessories that we came up with. Let me restart the accessory list with the ones I can remember or can think up and encourage you to add your own.
Monster Fireplace Optional Equipment:
- Premium fast start nuclear log lighter with hand-held graphite rod remote.
- Standard napalm aerosol log lighter with no-clog jet and electronic spark.
- 600-Megawatt steam turbine electrical generator with local grid tie-in.
- Window saver barometric damper with vacuum activated room sensor.
- Child, pet, and furniture safety fence.
- Etched message on back of entry grass reading, "You are not locked in!"
- Autographed Red Adair one-piece fire suite with EZ open fly.
- Heavily weighted fireproof boots prevent unexpected chimney egress of stoker.
- One-year Georgia Pacific Lumber contract with kiln dried lumber backhaul option.
- Hydraulic door opener with emergency back draft quick close feature.
- Motorized two-bay crematorium with modesty panel and rear hearth exit.
- No flap, edge weighted table linens with magnetic flatware and pepper grinder.
- Side mounted Chap Stick and windburn lotion dispenser.
http://www.rumford.com/R120.html
I like to post this every year, although I can't seem to find last year's post that contained all the clever (fictitious) optional accessories that we came up with. Let me restart the accessory list with the ones I can remember or can think up and encourage you to add your own.
Monster Fireplace Optional Equipment:
- Premium fast start nuclear log lighter with hand-held graphite rod remote.
- Standard napalm aerosol log lighter with no-clog jet and electronic spark.
- 600-Megawatt steam turbine electrical generator with local grid tie-in.
- Window saver barometric damper with vacuum activated room sensor.
- Child, pet, and furniture safety fence.
- Etched message on back of entry grass reading, "You are not locked in!"
- Autographed Red Adair one-piece fire suite with EZ open fly.
- Heavily weighted fireproof boots prevent unexpected chimney egress of stoker.
- One-year Georgia Pacific Lumber contract with kiln dried lumber backhaul option.
- Hydraulic door opener with emergency back draft quick close feature.
- Motorized two-bay crematorium with modesty panel and rear hearth exit.
- No flap, edge weighted table linens with magnetic flatware and pepper grinder.
- Side mounted Chap Stick and windburn lotion dispenser.
