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My best friend took his own life the other day

Post in 'The Inglenook' started by Freakingstang, Jan 10, 2013.

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  1. Freakingstang

    Freakingstang Feeling the Heat

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    I just found out last night that my uncle took his own life yesterday morning and my mom (her brother) was the one to find him. He had been battling a recovery from major accident and was not really ready to be on his own after almost three years of rehibilitation. He was on a motorcylce and was hit by a drunk driver that ran a stop sign in an F350 powerstroke. He was in a comma for almost a year. after that he lived with my grandmother and grandfather for about a year. The family, with the help and avise of the counselors agreed to let him back into his house about 6 months ago.

    He was honestly my best friend. He took me under his wing at a young age. I was 12-13 when i started hanging out with him. My father traveled alot for work and My uncle was mr gearhead, mr fixit. He taught me all about dirt bikes, motorcylces, lawn mowers, STIHL chainsaws, specifically 046's and 066's, gave me my first beer at 15-16... rebuilt my first engine with him. He taught me how to shoot, how to clean and assemble almost any/every firearm in existence, how to split firewood (dad bought it usually), how to properly stack firewood, how to pull a motor from an oak tree (really wasn't a hillbilly) He was a jack of all trades and a master of none. He is the reason I am the way i am. I'll call a spade a spade and won't put up with BS, or liars. total opposite of my mom and dad...same as uncle...He was the one that was around in my teen years that was a major influence and kept me out of trouble and taught me a TON of valuable skills and life lessons.

    I've never had to deal with this kind of family trauma before. i've lost both my grand parents on my fathers side from natural causes. just never seen anything like this first hand. I feel so guilty that I didn't go see him more. I know he thought a ton of me,more as a son, as his two daughters turned out to be worthless pieces of crap. that's another long story, but those kids never once went and saw him in the hospital, or even went to the house after he was there by himself. He changed his will about 6 months ago and put everything in the two daughters names. Those crackheads are going to sell everything to get another fix. Uncle (X) no names, gave up everything for those kids, and in three years, couldn't come and see him? WTF is wrong with people these days? I guarentee you those worthless creeps willbe coming out of the woodwork... death in a family always creates termoil in whose getting what. I just can't imagine what my mom is going through, walking in on that. She seems fine, actually I've never seen her so level headed before.

    Sorry to rant, just kinda had to get all that off my chest. not looking for sympathy or anything like that, sometimes just venting helps.

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  2. Hearth Mistress

    Hearth Mistress Minister of Fire

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    Wow. So sorry :(

    Your uncle sounds like a great guy who hit a rough patch due to one else's negligence. My mom was hit by a drunk driver and my sister and dropped out of college to take care of her. She was in excruciating pain for over a year, unable to do anything on her own. She eventually recovered but due to spinal/head injuries, still has complications decades later.

    It sounds like you have many wonderful memories and practical skills thanks to him. He shared his knowledge with you and you can continue his legacy by teaching others, pay it forward in his memory and he will live forever :)

    Keep an eye on your mom though, she may be strong now, it's a human mind defense mechanism to be "level headed" to deal with the situation. Eventually though, it may hit her and she will need time to grieve and deal with the images that will probably haunt her.

    Blessings to you and your family.
    loon likes this.
  3. Freakingstang

    Freakingstang Feeling the Heat

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    Berlin Center, Ohio
    thank you.. I have been worried about mom... I wondered if she was in shock? she is strong willed, but has been battling some depression since her and dad split up. I talk to her alot, I just wish i didn't live so far away. Mom did ask me what guns I wanted. i said, I don't need any guns. One thing that would mean more than anything is that old stihl 046 magnum. i'll buy it from the damn kids if i have too, but that would be an awesome thing to have since we cut so much wood together.

    Which reminds me one time we wear out cutting and this was before he had his 066, so it was just me helping pick up and load the truck. He had a 77 chevy half ton truck. he named it trusty, and always said it was a happy truck. it was trusty, but man was it rusty, so rusty it "waved" at people. Anyways, we had a bed full of wood and heading down a state route and the inner wheel well on the bed must have had its last waive and bounced down the road.. somehow, we didn't loose one piece of wood. that's all he was worried about, would have stopped to get the wood but not the inner bed wheel well. i'm half laughing and half in tears now.
    loon likes this.
  4. Hearth Mistress

    Hearth Mistress Minister of Fire

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    I would take whatever you can get, the chainsaws and his firearms, especially if his kids are in bad situations too. You may be saving someone's life if they get into the wrong hands or they will hock them and get ripped off. I'm sure your uncle would rather you have them then be sold off, just give it some thought.

    Just keep close tabs on your mom. She's just witnessed something horrific and it will take time. Just call her to talk about stuff other than your uncle. I've found that after tragedies, people just want to feel normal again.

    The good memories will help you through this, it just takes time but give yourself time to grieve, you will fell better.

    Best of luck to you.
  5. Beetle-Kill

    Beetle-Kill Minister of Fire

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    Stay strong and don't hesitate to vent/rant. Times like this will make you question everything.
    Sound's like your Uncle was a heck'uv a guy, act according to the things he taught you. Don't hold this against him, it was his call, you just have to deal with it.
    Take care of Mom, gonna hit her like a ton of bricks in a few months.
    My prayers are with you.
    JB
  6. bubbasdad

    bubbasdad Member

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    Sorry for your loss. I've lost a couple of friends to suicide. Really sad that they feel that's the best solution.
  7. Freakingstang

    Freakingstang Feeling the Heat

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    Berlin Center, Ohio
    Thanks again. seems there are some down to earth good people here! Mom said the same thing. My uncle didn't open up to many people but really took a liking to me. Mom knew that said he'd want me to have them. He introduce me to most of them when I was 17-18 and i had never really been around them. He also told me back then, that he needed someone trustworthy to know what and where his stuff was in case something ever happened to him. My mom and dad both said the same thing about them ending up in the wrong hands. its sad how that daughter situation worked out. Mom,Grandma and Grandpa and myself were by his side every day while he was in the hospital and he knew that. I just wish i could have made more time out of my "busy" life to get around him more oncwe he was home, that's all. Not saying the outcome would have been different, but maybe i'd not be feeling this guilty void that I have from not seeing him as much as I could have, like i wasn't there when he needed someone the most.
  8. Beetle-Kill

    Beetle-Kill Minister of Fire

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    Yo, Freak-, Grab the guns and keep them in "safeholding" while things get worked out. You sound level-headed, so keep them close.

    This was not your fault, not your fault, not YOUR fault!
    JB
  9. Freakingstang

    Freakingstang Feeling the Heat

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    Thanks, I always try to look at the whole picture and not make off the wall-knee-jerk reactions. I guess that's kind of level headed....yeah, It was ultimately his choice. Don't get me wrong, I like my guns, but I don't want to be that family member that wants everything, ya know... even though mom told me to get them out, as per advice from the police. When they showed up, they asked if there was any others in the house and she said yes, and they said, get them and anything else out like now. Once word gets out, the theives and vandals come out of the woodwork. Dad got most of the guns out this morning while I was at work today. There is one safe that I know is completely full of ammo. its one of those 2000lb huge old bank safes. They called a locksmith to come out tomorrow morning. We decided to clean the house out and keep all the valuables in safeholding until grandpa and grandma are clear headed. I think they should have ultimate say based on the whole situation and them putting their lives on hold for the last few years. either way, stuff will be in safe hands, everyone in the family was worried about that. Unfortunately work is being chitty about the whole deal because it isn't immediate family so I still have to work until the funeral, that is part of the reason I feel helpless in helping the family out. trust me, i'm good, and i know it isn't/wasn't my fault. just venting....
  10. Eatonpcat

    Eatonpcat Minister of Fire

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    Sorry to hear my new internet friend.... I'm not much of a prayer person, but please know that you, your Mom and the rest of your family are in my thoughts!! Stay strong for your Mom, she may need you to lean on!
  11. Hearth Mistress

    Hearth Mistress Minister of Fire

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    You have 12 week of leave thanks to Uncle sam under the family leave medical act, known as FMLA. Granted, it isn't paid time but you can take it to take care of yourself or family's needs. You're mother just witnessed a tragic event and her mental health is at stake. They have to hold your job, they can't replace you or demote you. They can get pissy about it, but it's a federal law, not much they can do about it.

    If it gets tough and you can afford to take a week or so off without pay, go in and tell them you want to exercise your FMLA time. You can reach out to me if you have questions but wanted to let you know that's an option in case you didn't know :)
  12. Jack Straw

    Jack Straw Minister of Fire

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    I really believe the best way to handle this is is to live your life to the fullest and to honor your uncle. Teach others what he taught you and live your life the way he would have wanted you to. Take some time out now to mourn . Peace.
    Eatonpcat likes this.
  13. Beer Belly

    Beer Belly Minister of Fire

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    I can somewhat relate to things that will happen afterward (family)...my siblings were aruing over a stack of Pennies....yes, a stack of pennies. My condolences on your loss. Keep those memories close to your heart, for it is there, that he will live forever.

    “Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.”
    Mitch Albom

    Eatonpcat likes this.
  14. Freakingstang

    Freakingstang Feeling the Heat

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    Thanks guys. I learned alot about the new girlfriend during all this. She works and hour away and got off work late and came over the night I found out at midnight And had to be back at work at 5am. She's pretty awesome being there for me and my mom. She had flowers sent to mom's and grandmas this morning. I thought that was pretty sweet. She might be a keeper, her son loves being around me out in the garage working on stuff too.
    Hearth Mistress and Eatonpcat like this.
  15. lukem

    lukem Minister of Fire

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    I can relate to what you are going through, to some extent. In the past 10 year I've had 5 friends or family members who attempted or carried out with suicide. It's hard to understand and I don't think you ever really can...but just try to remember they had something seriously wrong with their "wiring"...they weren't being selfish, weak, or stopped caring about those who loved them. Their brain did them wrong through no fault of their own.

    My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Stay strong. Your family needs you now more than ever.
  16. Gary_602z

    Gary_602z Minister of Fire

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    Sorry to hear that Stang,stay strong and live the life that your Uncle brought you up to do.

    Gary
  17. DexterDay

    DexterDay Guest

    In our thoughts and prayers. He sounded like an amazing Man who taught you well.

    Keep your Girl close, and take care of your Mom. Hope to see you soon.
  18. ScotO

    ScotO Guest

    My prayers and thoughts are with you, Stang. It's really hard to lose someone close to you, especially when you never saw it coming. We've had some losses of members in our family (not suicide, but unexpected nonetheless), I like to see it as he's looking down on you now. He'll always be in your memory, inside that place in your heart too. I talk to my Pap alot, he was my hero in life. I hear his voice every single day and he's been gone since Christmas Eve 2005.....
    Here's to hoping you get that old 046......it'd be cool to run that once in a while on a tree job and think of your uncle smiling down on you...
    Take those memories and good times, keep them with you always. Close your eyes and don't be afraid to talk out to him........
    Blue Vomit and DexterDay like this.
  19. firefighterjake

    firefighterjake Minister of Fire

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    No words of comfort can ease the pain . . . so I'll just say . . . thinking of you right now as you and your family work through this.
  20. Blue Vomit

    Blue Vomit Minister of Fire

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    Stay strong for your mom. Your uncle would want you to take care of her.
    My condolences.
  21. schlot

    schlot Minister of Fire

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    So sorry to hear this. Nothing said can take away the pain, but find peace in the fact that he gave you the good memories you have and that those can not be taken away. They are a gift you have and can enjoy them each day.

    Again, I'm very sorry for your loss. God is with you on your painful journey.
    ScotO likes this.
  22. schlot

    schlot Minister of Fire

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    Not sure if this helps anyone who has suffered through thoughts of suicide or with those who have attempted it, but I found this.




    Draped in Darkness​
    Draped in a heavy cloak, the dark weighs upon and isolates you. You feel alone with your pain. Heavy despair covers you, changing the sounds of life to muffled clatter. This sound has no spikes of joy or that of anger, it is simply noise providing a backdrop to your darkness. The cape surrounds you entirely, shielding your eyes from the colors of the world. Only shades of gray filter through to your tired eyes.

    The fabric keeps out hope. You wish for nothing, except an end to the dullness, an end to the helplessness. You don’t wish for what is beyond, just the end. The last remnant of control lies in your hand. No thoughts of remorse, no thoughts of pain, just seeing the end.

    The dense robe clouds what you see. It alters the images to fit through the cloth. Your eyes see the end itself as a solution. You fail to see the depth of sorrow is self-made, that the solitude you suffer is from choice.

    Shed of the heavy robe you determine what is to come. The cape pulled back, good can be seen. Eyes again unshielded, you see help surrounds you. Promise of a new day, every day awaits the sighted. Once found, hope can be embraced again.
  23. Freakingstang

    Freakingstang Feeling the Heat

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    Just got home from going to his house after work yesterday. wow.. Without getting too deep, he was a very smart man. He had many guns, he could have chosen any of his high powered 357 mags, 9mm, 9mm Mak, .38special, 44mag, or any of the rest... i found out more details. Apparently he left a note, that basically said he couldn't live being a burden to anyone else. He was always Mr independant and couldn't take care of himself like he used to. He couldn't split wood, he couldn'tplow the sidewalk, he couldn't run his saws. I believe this was planned out for awhile, there are too many signs that pointed to this after the fact. He left another note, that said 6:00am, fed the cats,gave george his pill (cat with a medical problem), stoked the stove, and did the dishes. Please take care of my babies (his cats). i'm sorry. He went to the bathroom, got in the tub and used a .22LR pistol. Not sure which one as the police took it. He loved .22's and always said i'll take my .22's to battle before any of the rest. The cops believed he used the .22 to keep the mess to a minimum. the round entered his right templ and never exited. the only blood mark was in his tub was the size of a quarter and they believe it was instant. He knew all about war, torture, was a huge WWII person. Again, based on all the hints, the ammo safe was left open, and the gun safe dial was set, all that was needed was the key to open it and mom and i both knew where it was at, different things left out in the open, and looking back after talking with everyone the signs were there, he had already made up his mind a while ago. He just had to put everything in place to find the right time.

    I was and still am sad, but after being around all the family, talking about our so many good times and seeing everything from his perspective, well its almost like a burden has been lifted off of us. I know some may think that is the most uncompassionate thing to say at a time like this, but for the last three years its; been a struggle for us and mostly for him. He was not the same after he came out of the comma with major brain contusions. i cherish the times I had with him and those memories will be carried on forever. My mom made sure that his saw was saved for me. It's just a Stihl 046 magnum. Nothing fancy, nothing spectacular, but that is one thing i will always have to remind me of him. The amount of times we spent in the woods and that saw was always there, it was the three of us.

    the daughters were contacted. The oldest just got out of jail or prison again and said "oh ok"... when asked if she knew how to get ahold of her sister she claimed to not know where she lived or how to get ahold of her; it was in the newspaper today. The family has agreed to clean the house of all the valuables (guns, all his norton, triumph, BSA bikes), his coins, tools etc. My mom's sister is the executor of the estate until the two daughters (if) show up. once everything is out, we are documenting everything and keeping everything civil, none of this I want this, i want that crap. My father is taking all the guns/ammo and docummenting everything, my moms sister;s husband (my aunt and uncle) rented a storage unit for the bikes and tools, my other any is holding all the silver coins until the dust blows over. Grandma and Grandpa are too emotional right now, and in allof our opinions,it's their call on who gets what. i'm sure most will be sold/paid to the estate I wouldn't mind having a few of the guns, like the Ruger MK1 that was the first gun I ever shot and it was with him. He also has a Ithaca 12ga semi auto shotgun that I would appreciate too. in all, there were about 15 long guns and 12 pistols that we found. He reloaded his own ammo, there were thousands and thousands of rounds for each caliber. I think 9mm was around 5500 rounds from a rough count. I specifically remember an AK47 or three that he had before the first ban. I know there was two different ones that I shot. I have not found them yet. Not in either of the safes, (both huge, one a double door bank safe) but there were two magazines and a 4-500 .223 rounds found. Based on how few rounds there were copared to the otheres, i think he might have sold them at some point, myabe to buy that Triump Thunderbird that he was hit while riding? IDK, but I knew there was plenty more, at one point, that haven't been found.

    Anyways, sorry to rant. I'm gonna catch a few hours sleep and head back down to help the famly out. Taking the trailer and going to bring back some 3 year CSS ash/oak/maple that is just begging to be burnt this year. The family knows i'm the only one into guns and wants me to have them, but I'm waiting til things clear. They all said I could have either or both safes ifi wanted. I just don;t know how to go about moving a 800-1200 lb safe nor do I know if I have the energy to atttempt it. I know He would want me to have the stuff, but again, its a waiting pattern right now. I helped him put that big safe in the basement about 10 years ago and it took every bit of all six of us to do it.
  24. swagler85

    swagler85 Minister of Fire

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    Sorry to hear about the loss. If you need help moving anything or even want to go cut some wood to clear your head let me know. I'm sure Boog and Dex would come too.
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  25. DexterDay

    DexterDay Guest

    No doubt....

    Would be a pleasure.
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