Am I unreasonable?

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krex1010

krex1010

Minister of Fire
Jan 3, 2010
661
southeast pa
Would like some opinions on a situation that came up this past weekend. My wife's brother heats with wood, but he is not a planner, he always waits until the last minute to worry about wood. I offer to let him come with me when i scrounge, offer him a 50/50 split on the wood, he always declines, I have let him take some wood that my tree service friends drop off. Well this year he has maybe a cord and a half of wood, and he is bugging me to help him get wood. I have 7 cords right now, 4 for this year and 3 for next. I told him he can have the next load of logs that my buddy drops off. But my mother in law, bless her nosy soul, thinks I'm being greedy and I should let him have a couple cords of th wood I have split and stacked. I disagree. He is not hard up, he makes enough money to buy wood or heat with his oil furnace, he burns wood to save money ( his house had a stove already when he bought it) am I being unreasonable and greedy for not giving up any of my already processed wood? If I was a few years ahead i would be okay with it as long as he got on top of replacing the wood right away. But I'm barely a year ahead now, so anyway I'd appreciate any thoughts.
 
Its nice that your MIL who probably hasn't processed a match stick is so willing to give away your hard work. Doesn't surprise me. I agree, let him have the next load. Have your buddy drop it off in his yard. Its not going to make for great relations, but he wouldn't ask for you to pay for his fuel in cash for his furnace, or would he?
 
I would tell the mil she needs to cut split stack and deliver his wood! ASAP....Bottom line you get what you give. (In my case I would give the wife back to) :lol:
 
I would stand my ground. Give him the next load and a number to order some wood if he chooses to do so.

I am more then happy to help people out IF they need it. You tried to help him out with your scrounge splits.

This is a hard working group. He would not get much sympathy here.

JMO
 
I'd tell the MIL to mind her own damn business.If the guy wants to help,let him.But dont keep enabling him,there will be no end to it.If he was low on money or was sick/injured in some way, definitely let him have the wood,even bring him some if needed.But since he can afford to buy either wood or other fuels,the gravy train should stop.
 
well you have all ready done your part, 50/50 on scrounged wood, would of set you back 1 1/2 cords, and him up 1 1/2 cords, giving him 3 cords..So maybe sell him some wood he could of had for free. But if it was me not a chance.
 
If he was hard up I'd help him out, give him wood, or money for oil, whatever, but he is young, makes good money, and is used to having his mother take care of everything, he never actually asked for wood, just wants me to get him logs, which he can have the next load i get. It's the mil that is bugging me, making it sound like her son lives on the frontier in the 1700's and if he doesn't have wood he'll freeze to death this winter lol.
 
I'd do a one for one deal. He comes and helps you c/s/s what the tree service drops off he can have an equal part of your already c/s/s. Replacing what he does, earning his keep.


f v
 
To the OP, what does your significant other have to say about the issue? Sometimes keeping peace in the house trumps your visceral feelings. Admittedly, I too have a MIL that is similar, but a wife that understand the work that goes into keeping our home and family warm. I've had that heart-to-heart with MIL, and gently remind her that my work is, in effect, taking care of her little girl. She backs down shortly after.... The only problem is that I end up doing the same thing year after year to remind her.....
 
Its unreasonable to give anyone wood they didnt work for, when they could work for it. Just the way the world works.
 
Life's about making choices and living with the outcomes.

S
 
Two cords of wood is at a minimum 16 hrs of HARD labor for most folks. This doesn't take into account the relationship you have cultured with your wood supplier or the time it has sat earning interest (seasoning) and the wear and tear on equipment and body.

I think I would ask him if he would be willing to paint and trim your house or mow your lawn for an entire season. When he revolts, remind him that you have approximately that same amount of time and energy invested in two cords of wood. And I think I would do that in the presence of the MIL. I love Christmas. :coolsmirk:
 
Wow...kinda sounding like the "Occupy Woodburners" version of "Occupy Wall Street"...not willing to work for it, but will protest for you to support me. :lol:

All kidding aside...I kinda like what fireview2788 said.
 
Caddy user, My wife is more pissed than i am, she is tired of her brother getting the prince treatment, and tired if her mother expecting everyone else to treat him like a prince. Plus my wife is forever cold, when it's 65 degrees out she wants a fire, so she doesn't want to give up a single piece of wood lol
 
The Grasshopper and the Ant, one of Aesop's Fables, is certainly applicable to wood gathering.

The protection of a mother for her son is a powerful drive. Generally keeps the son from growing up. Best not get wrapped up in that dynamic. Can you let your wife take the lead and resolve this situation? Good luck.
 
gzecc said:
Its nice that your MIL who probably hasn't processed a match stick is so willing to give away your hard work. Doesn't surprise me. I agree, let him have the next load. Have your buddy drop it off in his yard. Its not going to make for great relations, but he wouldn't ask for you to pay for his fuel in cash for his furnace, or would he?
Click to expand...

I agree.
 
I would tell him to order some c/s wood... Then get your friends to drop a load at his house... That way he will have to c/s/s and get an idea of what you do... Giving him wood is a no, no. By the time you move a cord or 2 to his house you wasted time and money... And set yourself back ... Even if he paid you I wouldn't do it... It's heating time now! Had he asked in may it wouldn't be so bad but now!?
Sorry if I am being mean, I heat my house with wood because because I need to. I save money because I earned it! Many times scrounging/ splitting/stacking, paying for wood/selling wood.. I think I earned the right to save some cash lol ... That hard work gets my daughter/wife a merry Xmas every year and saves me from paying about $3000 in oil..
Sorry about the rant...just went through something similar with a so called friend
 
I was going to say something along these lines too.

I think I would ask him if he would be willing to paint and trim your house or mow your lawn for an entire season. When he revolts, remind him that you have approximately that same amount of time and energy invested in two cords of wood. And I think I would do that in the presence of the MIL. I love Christmas.
Click to expand...

Id also explain to both of them (MIL & BIL) that you really dont have wood to give away that your actually a cord short yourself, you need to get wood at least one year ahead of time and you've fallen behind, tell him if he wants to burn green wood, something you dont do, that you'll help him get some.
 
Have your wife educate your MIL and her brother on the time, effort, hard work, wear and tear, etc. wood processing is. Have her explain all the things you would much rather do beside c/s/s wood, for example: the things her brother was doing while you were processing wood. Explain that the wood needs to season for a year before burned and its not just sitting there for no reason, or because you are stingy.
No offense, but it sounds like they may just be ignorant to the process and could use an edjucation. Your MIL and BIL may respect you more once they realize what you have been doing.
 
Now if you follow the "re-distribute the wealth" model , if you "have" you should share with those who "don't have".
Regardless how/why the "don't haves", don't have.
It's more a "liberal" VS "conservative" issue.
OMG :bug: we have some strong "conservatives" on this forum.

My question is; Why are you offering him the next load that's dropped off in your drive way?
Family politics?
Have him do the leg work, to get a contact to drop some off in his drive way & get your next years supply done for you.
He may have to buy his own wood.
OMG, the poor guy. He needs some kind of "bail out"

I'm just a shade "right" of Newt.

Now that family is involved (Family makes it more complicated for sure):
How about a "bi-partizan" solution? "I have this much time & money into processing the wood.
I'll help with the next load dropped off, if you pay for the fuel & have pizza delivered & bring a case of beer".
That's still cheap wood for him. May help keep some family disputes from getting started.
Everyone don't need to know, the wood he's getting isn't ready to burn.

Now the MIL should make you give him 1/2 of your seasoned wood to him now (as a fine & penalty) & start making you start seasoning his next years wood needs at about 35% of what you get from here on out.

You need to work harder!!
 
I would not give in! Sounds as though you have given him ample opportunity to get wood during the year and he has declined, his choice.
Must not Need/want it that bad!
 
My bil has not asked for any of my already processed wood, it's my mil that thinks I should give it to him, the bil is asking for me to let him have some of the logs I get dropped from time to time, I'm ok with giving him a load or two of the wood my tree service friend gives me, my bil is a good guy and he is family so I'll give him some logs, no questions asked. But once I put my saw to those logs, they are mine. I'll share the logs but I'm not giving my split wood to someone who is 28 years old and capable of splitting it himself, if my father in law or other older relative needed wood, they would get it, and I would plan on getting enough wood for them each year, but to me this situation is not helping out a person who legitimately needs help, it's giving my hard work to someone who easily could have provided for himself.
 
krex1010 said:
Caddy user, My wife is more pissed than i am, she is tired of her brother getting the prince treatment, and tired if her mother expecting everyone else to treat him like a prince. Plus my wife is forever cold, when it's 65 degrees out she wants a fire, so she doesn't want to give up a single piece of wood lol
Click to expand...

That would do it for me.... Not a single stick of wood unless he wanted to work for it.....

Keep smiling!
 
The story of chicken little comes to mind. Maybe find a copy and drop it off at your MIL house.
 
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