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Pepperoni

Post in 'The Inglenook' started by Cascade Failure, Nov 11, 2011.

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  1. Cascade Failure

    Cascade Failure Member

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    So...I have come to believe that with moisture meters, various stoves, different climates , etc...blah, blah, blah...we need a TRUE standard against which we can judge our wood burning results.

    I submit to you....the pepperoni taste test.

    Some background....over the years I have burned wood of varying qualities and in different systems. The results have been mixed. As a wood burning afficianado I continually seek the best combo for my family. Battenkiller, Backwoods Savage and a few select others have supplied incredible, but sometimes conflicting, information. What to do?

    2 years ago I entered the phase some may know as WTHAID? aka "what the hell am I doing?" I struggled but, by chance, I discovered...I KNEW what to do!

    One morning, pacing near the stove I accidentally dropped some, ok, quite a bit, of pepperoni slices on the stove. Don't judge, I work night shift and bourbon washed down by pepperoni is not unheard of....

    So... As I am picking slices off of the Shenandoah I realize...some slices taste better than others. Thanks to the bourbon I don't know if the slice has been on the stove 5 seconds or 5 days. All I really know is that some pepperoni slices REALLY tasted much better than others. A few days, a few bottles, a cord, and who knows how many pounds of processed meat later someone found me. The intervention was not pretty.

    Realizing my addiction I chose to check into a self-help facility. Yes, I mean rehab; worse yet, it was an oil heated facility but, I knew that if I were to heal myself I must make sacrifices. My poison wasn't available in ANY form. So...I sucked it up.

    Finally, I came home. My loving family, wishing to avoid me any possible stress which could lead to a relapse, provided me with, comfort, nourishment, and, knowing my preference for a warm stove, the Shenandoah was well into the coaling stage. A day or two go by and I realize...I have a fully stocked ...




    ...fridge!

    My poor family thinks it was all about the bourbon....suckers!

    I work feverishly! Finally, months later, I discover, 27 seconds per side, per slice...the perfect stove temp. I am warm and my quest is over.

    So... I submit to you..as the cops are beating on my door looking to bring me to the local looney bin for an eval, my family is filing multiple probate suits, and my co-workers are wondering, "Is that nut job coming back?"...should I cover my pepperoni if I am ever let near a stove again? Is a manually knife ok for slicing or should I go electric?

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  2. JustWood

    JustWood Minister of Fire

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    P
    O
    O
    K
    ????? Is that you?
  3. smokinj

    smokinj Minister of Fire

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    Gas powerd knife. (Fill you saw with veggie oil) :lol:
  4. Cascade Failure

    Cascade Failure Member

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    It was a long carpy night at my hospital. Just blowing off steam. It was meant to be funny...
  5. Cascade Failure

    Cascade Failure Member

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    The inglenook...that was quick. It was Satire of our many wood shed threads.

    At least I am here with my fellow vets....
  6. ISeeDeadBTUs

    ISeeDeadBTUs Guest

    Hell yes it was funny :lol:

    Just please tell me you are not a surgeon?!?
  7. Cascade Failure

    Cascade Failure Member

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    No...not yet. Psych clinician....
  8. Jags

    Jags Moderate Moderator Staff Member

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    I REALLY, Really need to know...does thickness change the timing?
  9. billb3

    billb3 Minister of Fire

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    It can affect the response time to post
  10. Milton Findley

    Milton Findley Feeling the Heat

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    Ah yes, shrink humor. :ahhh:
  11. Cascade Failure

    Cascade Failure Member

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    Much less than you wood think....
  12. Doing The Dixie Eyed Hustle

    Doing The Dixie Eyed Hustle Minister of Fire

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    What about salami?
  13. Gary_602z

    Gary_602z Minister of Fire

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    Does the cheese melt in that quick of time? And what temps are we talking about? :cheese:

    Gary
  14. Milton Findley

    Milton Findley Feeling the Heat

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    This conversation has taken a Freudian turn....
  15. snowleopard

    snowleopard Minister of Fire

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    My question, too--stovetop temps? If you could slide some heavy furniture in front of the door long enough to learn this and post back, you can consider your life well lost for the good of the common order. And does the type of heat matter? Is it 450F on the way up, so to speak, or on the way back down? Does thermal mass from the room have an impact?

    And . . . we got your back, y'know . . . yeah . . . just try to post that before they come, okay?
  16. begreen

    begreen Mooderator Staff Member

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    Definitely keep your pepperoni covered, especially near the stove.
  17. Jags

    Jags Moderate Moderator Staff Member

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    Now THAT was Freudian. :lol:
  18. ISeeDeadBTUs

    ISeeDeadBTUs Guest

    "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things"
  19. begreen

    begreen Mooderator Staff Member

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    More Kinseyan I would posit, also simply practical.
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