You Know You Are A Real Wood Burner If...

Never have to trim your eye lashes
or always cleanning the hearth so the wife is not pissed

You get some wood you've never had before (Apple, Cherry, Locust, etc) and plan an afternoon or evening around burning it to enjoy it's special characteristics.
"I've been saving this bottle of wine for a special occasion......"

Your side of the garage is full of wood; Your wife's side has just enough room to get her little car in.

You know what the word 'gassification' means.
Suburban neighbors smell your wood smoke at 5am and consider dialing 911.
You watch the paper for wood smoke complaints and develop stealth burning techniques.
Your wife rolls her eyes in the car whenever she sees you scanning for 'recycle' wood.
She is mortified when you stop and "pick up someone elses trash".
The first thing you examine while driving in a new neighborhood are the chimneys.
You wonder how you ever got by without a wood stove.

I don't know. If they are sharing their $200 wine I don't want to discourage them.

You dont have to trim your G Damn nose hairs
HOOORAY!

You've been sleepwalking and in the morning you find a piece of birch crammed in the microwave...

When you talk to co-workers about how warm you keep your house during the winter.

If you are single: 62*
If you are married no kid: 65*
If you are married with Kids: 68*
If your a wood burner: 75*

Oh boy, that is dead on for me, except i can get half the house to 80* (which my wife and I love) without pushing the wood burner.

If you wear long sleeves to work to cover your addiction's embarrassing track marks.

Before settling down to watch TV in your favorite chair you change into shorts and a tee shirt

You have a logsplitter in the living room

You have hair on the back of your hands?

LOL... I don't have any... guess I'm not a real wood-burner...

I don't have hair on the back of my hands. My palms- that's a different story.

The mark of a hairy potter...

When you tell your 2 y/o to go check on the fire and she knows exactly what that means and reports back, "the meedle on the white" or "da da fire big".
Better yet when she tells me that "da da you fire need more wood"

You're the only one outside working by choice when its 15 degrees to get ready for next year. C/s/s!

Your wife makes you report to the laundry to remove wood chips from your pockets before she will do the wash.

You make wheel barrel paths all around the house with a snow blower

Hah! I've got wheelbarrow paths through the kitchen and livingroom! Priorities- large stack of wood next to the stove, or pretty carpet. Plus, it was the wifes idea.

You are reading a post titled "You Know You Are A Real Wood Burner If…" in the Hearth forum....

guilty as charged