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You know your a redneck woodcutter when

Post in 'The Wood Shed' started by eernest4, Mar 24, 2010.

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  1. eernest4

    eernest4 New Member

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    YOU KNOW YOUR A REDNECK WOODCUTTER WHEN:

    . You find yourself with a bad case of red eye in both eyes from the fungus in the saw dust of the wood that you are cutting to size to fit into the stove.

    > You close your eyes and spray them with tolnaftate anti fungal spray powder and it works! The red eye is gone the next day! (don't forget to close your eyes & hold your breath before spraying).

    > You go into a deli to get a ham & cheese & the guy next to you at the counter tells you that your eyes have white powder around them from the sheet rock compound that he thinks you were sanding
    and you tell him that its really tolnaftate spray powder to cure the red eye from the saw dust.

    .> you get the same red eye problem when you opperate the log splitter and use the same cure.

    neighbors drop off their old wood pallets in your yard without being asked because they know you will break them up and burn them before the week is out.

    your on a first name basis with all the local cops because once a month they drop by when your chimney is smoking too much. (the other 29 days ,the chimney is ok, no smoke)

    you learned, by experience, that a really hot fire with really dry & long cured wood don't smoke.

    and you know , by experience, what your chimney can take. (my chimney was originally designed to withstand a coal fired central heat furnace) and I wish that coal fired central hot water furnace was still in place, but it was removed before I was born because, back then, fuel oil was 20 cents a gallon, not $3.00 a gallon

    . you have become an expert at sharpening & tensioning the chain on your chain saw, even though you never wanted to learn it.

    . you know that the funny whine from your log splitter means it is down half a quart on hydralic fluid.

    . you know that you can use dextron 2 or 3,automatic transmission fluid or sae 10w instead of hyrdalic fluid
    in your log splitter. ( but check your owners manuel because your splitter could be different than mine).

    You know just how many wood pallets that you can fit into the back of a honda civic dx hatchback
    if you cut the pallets in half lengthwise with a chain saw before you put them into the honda.
    answer is 5 pallets.

    You know 4 different ways to break apart wood pallets, 1. chain saw, 2 circular saw, sledge hammer, 6 ft long pry bar & fulcrum.

    You know the easy way to work a sledge hammer.

    (lift it up over your head and just let gravity drop it on the pallet. sometimes you have to use the 10 lb , 20 lb or 30 lb sledge hammer instead of the 6 lb sledgehammer on the more sturdy built pallets.)

    You know that the sledgehammer works best with the least break downs for maintainance when
    constantly breaking up wood pallets for firewood.

    (the chain saw you are constantly tighting the chain & sharpening the teeth.) The sledgehammer ,you just wrap a lot of DUCT TAPE around the handle to prevent splintering of the handle when you miss and to give you a good grip on the smooth wood handle.

    You learn that it is better to keep your fire wood in a wood shed that to cover it with a tarp.

    The tarps always blow off & shreds in the wind unelse you put more wood on top of the tarp to hold it down than wood that is under the tarp, trying to stay dry. (at least,it seems that way)

    You know 5 different ways to remove bark & wood slivers from the tracks that guide the hydralic
    ram of the log splitter.

    You don't have to worry about the gasoline in the log splitter going stale and clogging up the carburator,like it does to your snow blower every year, because the gas in the log splitter is never there for more than 2 weeks.

    You have 4 woodsheds and not enough room for all your firewood.

    you spend $1000.oo a year for fuel oil(less than 2 tanks full) to heat a house that would normally use $6000 to $8,000.oo a year in fuel oil to heat.

    You bought 1 ton of wood pellets for your pellet stove two years ago & you still have 3/4 ton left!

    You like your house warm, so..... the wood stove burns 24/7 and the pellet stove is only used in may and sept , when its still warm enough out so that the pellet stove can actually make a difference.
    (this depends on the size of your house & how well it is insulated & if you live north or south) I live north in a 10 room house with no insulation, so the pellet stove is too small to do much, while the wood stove is huge.

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  2. Backwoods Savage

    Backwoods Savage Minister of Fire

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    Whenever anyone comes in your driveway, the first thing they ask is, "Do you think you have enough wood?"
  3. eernest4

    eernest4 New Member

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    I heard that before ,only its more like "don't you have enough wood, by now??"
    People that dont have a wood stove just can't understand how fast it goes when it starts getting cold out.
  4. ChillyGator

    ChillyGator New Member

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    NorthFlorida
    I heard that all summer long...especially while re-splitting one cord of wood in the August heat to make sure I had dry wood to burn in November.

    I burned the last of my dry wood Monday night.

    I have 4 cords split/stacked since January...I'm plan of having 6 cords by the end of April
  5. oldspark

    oldspark Guest

    Wow wood burning in Florida who would have thunk it.
  6. ChillyGator

    ChillyGator New Member

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    :lol: Yep, it gets cold down here too (though 'here' is North Florida only a few miles south of the Georgia state line - about 450 miles north of Miami).

    our coldest winter since 1966, 14 consecutive nights below freezing in January. I had expected to burn 1 to 1.5 cords max and ended up using 2, now I don't know what my average will be but I'm cutting 2 cords a year until I figure it out.
  7. smokinj

    smokinj Minister of Fire

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    When your saws are worth 3 (edit 4x) times as much as your truck! you might be a redneck...
  8. Danno77

    Danno77 Minister of Fire

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    I think that around here you are a redneck if your truck is worth more than your house and everything in it. there are a lot of those around here (but we're talking about redneck woodcutters, so you are probably right on, Jay)
  9. smokinj

    smokinj Minister of Fire

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    people always look at me funny pulling up in a s-10 and going to drop a 60in. tree.
  10. WoodPorn

    WoodPorn Minister of Fire

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    When the wood pile equals more linear feet than you house is made of

    When you have more money tied up in chainsaws than you do in the bank

    When everybody that knows you refers to you as "the wood guy"

    When you spend more time with trees,logs,splitters,chainsaws,and axes than you do your wife!
  11. KennyG

    KennyG New Member

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    Kansas City
    Like Larry the Cable Guy says, "Everybody loves a Redneck when their car breaks down". I would add to that, 'Everybody loves a Redneck Woodcutter when a tree comes down in their yard'

    My first post here. I have been using this site as a resource from kindred spirits and a source of laughter. Wood cutters are a funny/serious bunch. Yesterday was the first day I have been able to get to the woods and cut in over two months. Needless to say, it was the best day in two months.
  12. WoodPorn

    WoodPorn Minister of Fire

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    Welcome Ken

    We are a funny(maybe in a weird sense), and not too often serious Bunch unless it of course pertains to wood, woodcutting, wood burning, woodsplitting, etc...!

    Let's ee some willy's pictures (I do mean the Jeep)
  13. Jags

    Jags Moderate Moderator Staff Member

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    You might be a redneck woodcutter if your first post to hearth.com is on the fourth forum in the list called the "Wood Shed" and the thread called "You know your a redneck woodcutter when". :lol:

    Welcome KennyG.
  14. Lumber-Jack

    Lumber-Jack Minister of Fire

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    You know your a redneck woodcutter when” you seriously cut yourself with your chainsaw and rather than stopping and seeking medical attention right away, you try to finish up the job and end up bleeding to death.
  15. Monkey Wrench

    Monkey Wrench Feeling the Heat

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    http://chainsaw.funnypart.com/
  16. smokinj

    smokinj Minister of Fire

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    I have seen that one before I am afraid that if I hit my truck you wouldn't be able to get pic's

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  17. allhandsworking

    allhandsworking Feeling the Heat

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    Ok thinking about a 2011 Mustang! I have been collecting about 2 cords a year in the trunk of my Ford Fusion! Is the trunk of a Mustang smaller than a fusion? I'm in NYC, people think I'm nuts! I would rather be known as a Red neck any day! Any Mustang wood guys please respond with your experience!
  18. Tony H

    Tony H New Member

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    Wait just one second ! There is a fifth way to cut a pallet and thats using a sawzall .
    Your redneck status could be in question :coolcheese:
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