True story: I always ask patients how they are doing, or "What's new?" every time I walk in the treatment room. A standard response is, "Well, I checked the obituaries this morning, and I wasn't in there." One guy always said, "I'm vertical and taking nutrition." Another guy routinely says, "I'm looking down at the grass and not up at the roots." A couple months ago one little old lady deadpanned, "These are supposed to be my 'Golden Years.' The only thing golden about my 'Golden Years' is my pee." But this morning, I had a patient who said he was "exhaustipated." He said he's just too tired to give a crap.