My wife staged an intervention this morning, along with the rest of the family and some of my closest friends. It was painful, but I had to face up to what they told me. I can't say that I haven't been aware that I've increasingly isolated them, and that my habits have been steadily drawing me further and further towards a very dark place. I'm just thankful that they were able to make me face myself, and the shame I feel for what I've become. I guess I should have done this for myself...after all, it was just last night that I found myself cruising late at night through questionable neighborhoods.
You see, I had made a connection earlier that day, with the city tree removal crew. I told them what I was looking for, and they hooked me up. Thing is, that tree wasn't enough (Is it ever?), and I had to have more, always more. And increasingly harder woods. I started out on tulip poplar, thinking like we all do that I could handle that, no problem. This week, I moved on to hickory and I don't care what I have to do to get it. The size of my woodpile has become a symbol of shame for my children, who ask to be let out down the block when others give them a ride home. I think that it was an incident three days ago that really convinced my wife of how far gone and desperate I was. She walked in on me unexpectedly when I was scrolling through thumbnails of woodpiles here on the forum. I tried to minimize the screen as fast as I could, but I know she saw.
So, it is going to be a long road back. I really won't be able to fully begin my recovery until all the wood I have is gone. I plan on starting that, oh, around this October, when I'll be getting rid of all of it...one stick at a time. I knew that you here would understand.
You see, I had made a connection earlier that day, with the city tree removal crew. I told them what I was looking for, and they hooked me up. Thing is, that tree wasn't enough (Is it ever?), and I had to have more, always more. And increasingly harder woods. I started out on tulip poplar, thinking like we all do that I could handle that, no problem. This week, I moved on to hickory and I don't care what I have to do to get it. The size of my woodpile has become a symbol of shame for my children, who ask to be let out down the block when others give them a ride home. I think that it was an incident three days ago that really convinced my wife of how far gone and desperate I was. She walked in on me unexpectedly when I was scrolling through thumbnails of woodpiles here on the forum. I tried to minimize the screen as fast as I could, but I know she saw.
So, it is going to be a long road back. I really won't be able to fully begin my recovery until all the wood I have is gone. I plan on starting that, oh, around this October, when I'll be getting rid of all of it...one stick at a time. I knew that you here would understand.