How Does Santa Sneak Past Your Stove?

[Stump_Branch]

doubled up on me

 

[Stump_Branch]

He sacrifices elves and reindeer and uses their dead bodies to snuff out the flame and insulate himself from the heat. Santa then uses the antler from one of the dead and burning reindeer to pry open the front doors of the stove. While Santa lays out the gifts under the trees, the moisture in the bodies of the elves and reindeer burn off. By the time Santa makes his way up through the chimney again, the moisture level in the dead are low enough to reignite the stove so no one is the wiser. Unfortunately, elf and deer produce an obscene amount of creosote which is the true reason as to why stove pipes need to be cleaned.

A dirty little secret is that Santa gets large kick backs from the evil Chimney Sweep lobbyists each year to continue this practice.

Creative

With some wof the ways i have seen you guys pack the stove up for the night, im not so sure there would be anymore room, of course i sure would like to see burn times on a seasoned 'yule' log'

 

[BrowningBAR]

He sacrifices elves and reindeer and uses their dead bodies to snuff out the flame and insulate himself from the heat. Santa then uses the antler from one of the dead and burning reindeer to pry open the front doors of the stove. While Santa lays out the gifts under the trees, the moisture in the bodies of the elves and reindeer burn off. By the time Santa makes his way up through the chimney again, the moisture level in the dead are low enough to reignite the stove so no one is the wiser. Unfortunately, elf and deer produce an obscene amount of creosote which is the true reason as to why stove pipes need to be cleaned.

A dirty little secret is that Santa gets large kick backs from the evil Chimney Sweep lobbyists each year to continue this practice.

Creative

With some wof the ways i have seen you guys pack the stove up for the night, im not so sure there would be anymore room, of course i sure would like to see burn times on a seasoned 'yule' log'

Elves are packed with BTUs. They're the "oak" of body burning. Deer are more of a "soft wood".

 

[Delta-T]

traditional "yule log" is the freshly cut,biggest tree in the forest and can burn for some 20 days or so. For some reason the germanic tribes didn't have the secret knowledge of properly seasoned wood.

 

[madrone]

Santa has come through the front door, Finnish-style, for a few generations in my family.

That is easier to explain. However, it is more difficult to explain "Joulupukki", the Finnish name for Santa Claus. The direct english translation is "yule goat".

Just read them this excerpt from wikipedia,

"One interesting theory about the origins of Joulupukki and his flying reindeer, comes from the aboriginal Saami people of Lapland. In the forests there is a common poisonous mushroom, Amanita muscaria, that is red with white dots. The Saami shamans used to feed this mushroom to the reindeer, whereby the intestinal tract of the reindeer would filter out the poison, but leave the intoxicating substances. The urine of the reindeer would then be collected and used as a hallucinogenic by the shamans. The shamans would often have out-of-the-body experiences and fly in the sky, returning through the chimney hole of their tent or cottage to their bodies. This shamanistic tradition would explain the flying reindeer, the use of chimneys, and even the red-white colouring of Joulupukki."

 

[madrone]

Madrone- did you ever listen to David Sedaris's piece "6 to 8 black men"? One of the funniest things I ever heard, without a doubt.

"Stay in bed kids, or Santa and his slaves will cane you! Sleep tight!"

 

[Lighting Up]

simple...you have to "believe", if you don't Santa doesn't come...and they want presents so...

I think my 18 year old still beleives keeps asking for presents.
md

 

[Mcbride]

He moves so quickly, the heat barely warms him enough to take the chill of the Jolly old man from the sleigh ride around the world, as he goes house to house. Think of the speed he goes to visit a billion plus homes in 1 night, spread over many continents, and crossing many oceans.
No way could a mere fire burn him as he paases thru a flame at upwards of 80 trillion miles per hour.

But the friction from moving that quickly through our atmosphere would.

Ya but the cold air of high altitudes, and crossing the open oceans etc. is super cooling, and the red/white suit is made out of the same stuff as the tiles on the space shuttles.

 

[bboulier]

Santa leaves ash boot prints on the wooden family room floor all the way from the stove to the tree. The kids go wild when the see the boot prints. Santa wears a size 13.

What a great idea! However, I am guessing that Santa will leave smaller prints in our house.

 

[k9brain]

Haven't you heard about the Christmas Rule?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUvm0HnJh-I

 

[Sisu]

Santa has outsourced his deliveries and even his manufacturing is done in China.

Seriously, we never fed our 4 kids any of the Santa/Easter Bunny foolishness. Mostly because we have taught them to trust in Christ, and don't want a fake faith in Santa to overshadow a real faith in our true Savior.

But if I did... I think I'd tell them that when Santa sees the piles of wood, he know that he should give extra toys because those kids probably end up carrying wood every day. And the piles also alert him to use the back door.

I don't want to make this a religious debate, but it should be noted that Jesus wasn't born on the 25 of December. Christmas was originally the Winter Solstice celebration. As Christianity spread, it co-opted other seasonal celebrations to make it more palatable to the "pagans". One example the birth of Christ did not happen in December is that Palestine is cold in the winter and shepherds do not go out in the fields during the winter season. There are other examples as well. Easter too was originally a celebration of the coming of spring.

Any way I feel that Santa Claus and Easter Bunny are not any more foolish than other beliefs. Faith is faith. There is no right or wrong, no fake or real. My Santa Claus uses the door, others use the chimney. I celebrate on December 5 and the evening of December 24th, others on the 25th. It is all good. It is about celebrating light in darkness and peace. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Sisu]

Santa has come through the front door, Finnish-style, for a few generations in my family.

That is easier to explain. However, it is more difficult to explain "Joulupukki", the Finnish name for Santa Claus. The direct english translation is "yule goat".

Just read them this excerpt from wikipedia,

"One interesting theory about the origins of Joulupukki and his flying reindeer, comes from the aboriginal Saami people of Lapland. In the forests there is a common poisonous mushroom, Amanita muscaria, that is red with white dots. The Saami shamans used to feed this mushroom to the reindeer, whereby the intestinal tract of the reindeer would filter out the poison, but leave the intoxicating substances. The urine of the reindeer would then be collected and used as a hallucinogenic by the shamans. The shamans would often have out-of-the-body experiences and fly in the sky, returning through the chimney hole of their tent or cottage to their bodies. This shamanistic tradition would explain the flying reindeer, the use of chimneys, and even the red-white colouring of Joulupukki."

We have fly agaric mushrooms growing naturally here. I just have to find a reindeer now............

 

[Sisu]

He moves so quickly, the heat barely warms him enough to take the chill of the Jolly old man from the sleigh ride around the world, as he goes house to house. Think of the speed he goes to visit a billion plus homes in 1 night, spread over many continents, and crossing many oceans.
No way could a mere fire burn him as he paases thru a flame at upwards of 80 trillion miles per hour.

But the friction from moving that quickly through our atmosphere would.

Ya but the cold air of high altitudes, and crossing the open oceans etc. is super cooling, and the red/white suit is made out of the same stuff as the tiles on the space shuttles.

Asbestos?! I smell a class-action lawsuit!

 

[grommal]

It used to be really tough when I had the VC Encore. He had to break himself up into little pieces to get through the combustor, and then still had to wind his way around the silly folded pathway in the rear of the stove in order to get into the firebox. Then, he had to work his way past the thermostatic flappers in the primary and secondary air pathways.

It's a little easier now with the Oslo. Just squeeze past the baffle and he's into the firebox. But he still has to either squeeze through the little holes in the secondary tubes and/or the three holes in the doghouse primary air inlet, in order to make his way to the round air inlet on the bottom of the stove.

 

[Backwoods Savage]

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive!
Sir Walter Scott

Frankly, like most parents we've always taught our kids that it's wrong to lie. Eventually kids see through all the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus nonsense and realize they've been lied to. When they do it send the message to young developing minds that all adults are hypocrite liars and not to be trusted.
You might want to re-think your the whole thing.

Plenty of ways to have fun with your kids without all that nonsense. %-P

I well recall at age 6 I was just laying and looking at the Christmas tree and a few presents one afternoon before Christmas and it suddenly came into my mind that there is no way a fat man could come down our chimney, crawl through that big fire and open the stove door from the inside....even if he wasn't carrying that bit sack full of toys. I also recall that being the first time (that I remember) I started questioning older people who were always talking about Santa Claus and all that junk. The following spring while out searching for Easter eggs it also hit me that rabbits do not lay eggs. It was at this point that I believed all grown-ups and most kids older than I were lying to me. Perhaps I was odd (still am) but that brought some troubled times to me because I had been taught that lying was wrong....but these same people were lying to me about Santa and that rabbit.

When we married we soon found ourselves raising 2 fine boys. We did not lie to them. Yes, we talked about Santa but told the truth. If you want to make believe, then that is okay so long as you realize it is make believe. Sort of like the comic books we enjoyed back then or the Walt Disney shows; it's simply make believe and not reality.

Sorry for being a scrooge here but just felt like telling it like it is around our place.

But it is also okay with us if you want to send the message to your kids.

 

[firefighterjake]

Santa has come through the front door, Finnish-style, for a few generations in my family.

That is easier to explain. However, it is more difficult to explain "Joulupukki", the Finnish name for Santa Claus. The direct english translation is "yule goat".

Just read them this excerpt from wikipedia,

"One interesting theory about the origins of Joulupukki and his flying reindeer, comes from the aboriginal Saami people of Lapland. In the forests there is a common poisonous mushroom, Amanita muscaria, that is red with white dots. The Saami shamans used to feed this mushroom to the reindeer, whereby the intestinal tract of the reindeer would filter out the poison, but leave the intoxicating substances. The urine of the reindeer would then be collected and used as a hallucinogenic by the shamans. The shamans would often have out-of-the-body experiences and fly in the sky, returning through the chimney hole of their tent or cottage to their bodies. This shamanistic tradition would explain the flying reindeer, the use of chimneys, and even the red-white colouring of Joulupukki."

Well there you go . . . Santa uses magic 'shrooms. I knew he was just a little too jolly. . . .

 

[Dix]

Santa has come through the front door, Finnish-style, for a few generations in my family.

That is easier to explain. However, it is more difficult to explain "Joulupukki", the Finnish name for Santa Claus. The direct english translation is "yule goat".

Just read them this excerpt from wikipedia,

"One interesting theory about the origins of Joulupukki and his flying reindeer, comes from the aboriginal Saami people of Lapland. In the forests there is a common poisonous mushroom, Amanita muscaria, that is red with white dots. The Saami shamans used to feed this mushroom to the reindeer, whereby the intestinal tract of the reindeer would filter out the poison, but leave the intoxicating substances. The urine of the reindeer would then be collected and used as a hallucinogenic by the shamans. The shamans would often have out-of-the-body experiences and fly in the sky, returning through the chimney hole of their tent or cottage to their bodies. This shamanistic tradition would explain the flying reindeer, the use of chimneys, and even the red-white colouring of Joulupukki."

We have fly agaric mushrooms growing naturally here. I just have to find a reindeer now............

Really??? OMG

 

[jdscj8]

Santa dont come down the chimney around our little town, if theres snow on the ground he pulls up on a sleigh, if not he rides in the back of a truck knocks on the front door we all go outside and everyone in town gets 2 presents young and old (a $8 a month donation to the christmas fund goes a long way), and if you could not afford a tree or meal you got thoughs too. The kids sit if front of the window and wait. Tradition for the past 120yrs. ! SANTA LIVES ! (Oh and he wears a long black fur coat with a rope belt and a fur hat) JD