Hi jjk,
I don't recall reading any Quad technical service bulletin or official recommendation to not use the reset button for 'cold' re-starts of Quad stoves. It's designed to re-initiate the stove start-up sequence if it gets interrupted for any reason - the hopper empties, igniter failure, loss of negative pressure, etc. So in your computer analogy, I would say it's more like 'waking up' your computer from sleep mode as opposed to doing a forced shut down. That said, it's a switch that can fail and / or have circuit continuity or connectivity problems at the switch end, or at the control box end, or in the wiring harness between them, as any one of the several stove switches and snap discs can. Though reset switch failures don't seem nearly as common as hopper switch and high limit snap switch failures are.
RE thermostat vs manual mode operation. Running your stove at the setting that keeps the stove running consistently vs cycling it on and off at a higher stove setting helps avoid the room temp swings and protracted recovery times that it takes to get the area it's heating and all the contents in it - the furniture. walls, flooring, etc. up to the room air temperature.
Avoiding the frequent thermostat cycling likely helps prolong the igniter longevity as you inferred. Igniters argusbly seem to be the most commonly replaced stove component. Though the updated EZ clean burn pot design and lower wattage igniter option have helped allot to prolong the igniter longevity as well. The thermostat location and 'swing' setting on it - how many degrees above and below the t-stat set point is that dictates when the stove turns on and off - will also determine how often your stove cycles on and off.
So, in response to your question, do what works best for your space heating and personal comfort needs, as it sounds like you are doing. Preloading the burn pot with a handful of pellets is what I do too whenever I have to do a reset cold start up - more from a convenience standpoint than anything, so I don't have to sit there and do multiple resets waiting for the auger tube to refill with pellets and the thermo - couple temp to get up to 200 degrees to start the auger feed cycling. Kap or other Quad owners on the forum will likely chime in to add their thoughts on reset restarts and t-stat management , but IMO what you're doing is perfectly acceptable and sounds preferable for your heating needs. Regards, DK