Am I unreasonable?

[Got Wood]

Life's about making choices and living with the outcomes.

S

That sums it up nicely.

My first instinct was similar to all the "no F'ing way" posts but there will be relationships effected and that should be considered.

 

[weatherguy]

My bil has not asked for any of my already processed wood, it's my mil that thinks I should give it to him, the bil is asking for me to let him have some of the logs I get dropped from time to time, I'm ok with giving him a load or two of the wood my tree service friend gives me, my bil is a good guy and he is family so I'll give him some logs, no questions asked. But once I put my saw to those logs, they are mine. I'll share the logs but I'm not giving my split wood to someone who is 28 years old and capable of splitting it himself, if my father in law or other older relative needed wood, they would get it, and I would plan on getting enough wood for them each year, but to me this situation is not helping out a person who legitimately needs help, it's giving my hard work to someone who easily could have provided for himself.

She just doesnt understand what goes into processing and surely doesnt understand the seasoning process, someone should explain it to her so she sees your side of the story and not the Prince's.

 

[sebring]

Give him the wettest wood you can scrounge up... He will never ask for wood again

 

[Gasifier]

I'd do a one for one deal. He comes and helps you c/s/s what the tree service drops off he can have an equal part of your already c/s/s. Replacing what he does, earning his keep.


f v

I like this idea. Good compromise fireview. Keep the relatioinship good, make him earn his keep and he still benefits very well by getting seasoned wood. If he ask for more than that, don't give it to him. He needs to earn it. You are already giving him a deal by turning him onto your wood supplier.

 

[daveswoodhauler]

Have your wife educate your MIL and her brother on the time, effort, hard work, wear and tear, etc. wood processing is. Have her explain all the things you would much rather do beside c/s/s wood, for example: the things her brother was doing while you were processing wood. Explain that the wood needs to season for a year before burned and its not just sitting there for no reason, or because you are stingy.
No offense, but it sounds like they may just be ignorant to the process and could use an edjucation. Your MIL and BIL may respect you more once they realize what you have been doing.

This is my vote too.....I let the Mrs's talk to her mom and I stay out of it, lol.
I'd have your tree guy drop them off at your place, and offer for your BIL to come over and cut/split process....if he doesn't show, the logs are yours.

 

[red oak]

It's nice of your MIL to be so generous with YOUR stuff!

 

[Hass]

My bil has not asked for any of my already processed wood, it's my mil that thinks I should give it to him, the bil is asking for me to let him have some of the logs I get dropped from time to time, I'm ok with giving him a load or two of the wood my tree service friend gives me, my bil is a good guy and he is family so I'll give him some logs, no questions asked. But once I put my saw to those logs, they are mine. I'll share the logs but I'm not giving my split wood to someone who is 28 years old and capable of splitting it himself, if my father in law or other older relative needed wood, they would get it, and I would plan on getting enough wood for them each year, but to me this situation is not helping out a person who legitimately needs help, it's giving my hard work to someone who easily could have provided for himself.

Obviously you are being incredibly childish, and selfish.

You should give him a cord immediately... You should also take it over there and stack it for him. Maybe even load up his stove before you leave too.
Then, you should have your MIL c/s/s as much wood as required to replace what you delivered to him.
But don't be a total prick about it... at least offer her a drink or something when she's over cutting it using all of her own saws/axes/splitter. Your equipment has already taken the wear and tear on the load you delivered to your brother in law!


But in reality...
What kind of wood do you end up getting in your area? If it were me, and you get a ton of Ash or something similar delivered... I'd give up a cord of your next years wood to the BIL provided he c/s/s to replace whatever he takes. If that makes any sense. That way you don't lose any wood, he does all the work, and the wood will still be seasoned in time for next year. but if he actually really is terribly lazy, I'd just tell him tough beans. I may not even share wood that I get, since he's doing absolutely nothing for it and can take it as he pleases.

and also I bet you and your MIL get along just wonderfully.

 

[pen]

Implement the ignore strategy. Go on as if that stupid request was never asked. If it's brought up again, politely change the conversation. If they call you on changing the topic, very clearly and distinctly w/out emotion explain that it is your wood, you have plans for it, he is a grown man, and must be able to take care of his own needs or has another plan since he turned you down on repeated offers for sharing wood over the summer. Then go back to the conversation you tried to change it to.

pen

 

[smokinj]

Implement the ignore strategy. Go on as if that stupid request was never asked. If it's brought up again, politely change the conversation. If they call you on changing the topic, very clearly and distinctly w/out emotion explain that it is your wood, you have plans for it, he is a grown man, and must be able to take care of his own needs or has another plan since he turned you down on repeated offers for sharing wood over the summer. Then go back to the conversation you tried to change it to.

pen

I like it...Reminds me of a good friend. He first reaction to everything is What if I did Nothing. Then works from there.

 

[ssupercoolss]

if you have any wood you wanna drop off at my house, i like it stacked in the back behind my shed.

probably not.

tell the MIL to start knitting sweaters for the son, or teach her how to use a saw.

 

[Jaugust124]

You mentioned that your bil is a good guy. I can see helping out a good guy... to a point. My question is, what has your bil done for you/the family? When he decided not to accompany you on scrounges was he doing other things that were family related and just as important? Like taking care of the kids/providing in some way for the family, or was he just being completely lazy? Has the guy come over in the past to help put a new roof on your house, or build a deck, or help you in some other way? If not, I'd say he's on his own. To get a little you have to give a little. I don't have sympathy for laziness.

 

[Regency139]

I don't think your unreasonable at all. I remember a sign that the secretary at my high school had on her desk and its stuck to me to this day. "The lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine". Like others have said if he was hard up I wouln't hesitate to help out but since it's pure laziness or the lack of foresight I would think twice.

One of the things I thought of when I read your post was the story of the Ant and the Grasshopper. Below is Disney's interpretation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wM1DgihKHVI

 

[Ken S]

My mother in law is also very generous with other peoples resources.Next time your mother in law says something about it tell her you are going out saturday on a scrounge and she can come along and help and her share of the wood can go the the brother in law.Typical liberal they want someone else to receive the benefit of your hard work but seem to think it is different when it is there work required to give to someone else

 

[Jack768]

Wow...kinda sounding like the "Occupy Woodburners" version of "Occupy Wall Street"...not willing to work for it, but will protest for you to support me. :lol:

All kidding aside...I kinda like what fireview2788 said.

Ha! Although, if you give him some limited amount of seasoned wood, he might (unlike, sadly, OWS) learn something. One can lecture about the benefits of seasoned wood, or demonstrate vividly why it works better.

 

[Kenster]

My bil has not asked for any of my already processed wood, it's my mil that thinks I should give it to him, the bil is asking for me to let him have some of the logs I get dropped from time to time, I'm ok with giving him a load or two of the wood my tree service friend gives me, my bil is a good guy and he is family so I'll give him some logs, no questions asked. But once I put my saw to those logs, they are mine. I'll share the logs but I'm not giving my split wood to someone who is 28 years old and capable of splitting it himself, if my father in law or other older relative needed wood, they would get it, and I would plan on getting enough wood for them each year, but to me this situation is not helping out a person who legitimately needs help, it's giving my hard work to someone who easily could have provided for himself.

These extra details help a lot. Keep your own wood and help BIL get started cutting his own. If you arrange for a drop at his house, and maybe even offer to help him it should please his Mom. In the process, try again to educate him on getting his wood c/s/s well ahead of time and even getting a year or two ahead. Once he starts burning good wood, he'll understand and maybe this won't be a yearly drama.

God Bless all of you who have problem mothers-in-law. Mine was a living saint. I'd be hard pressed to say who loved me more: my own mom or my mom-in-law. She's been gone for almost 15 years now, dying way too young at 72. Still miss her.

 

[pen]

These extra details help a lot. Keep your own wood and help BIL get started cutting his own. If you arrange for a drop at his house, and maybe even offer to help him it should please his Mom. In the process, try again to educate him on getting his wood c/s/s well ahead of time and even getting a year or two ahead. Once he starts burning good wood, he'll understand and maybe this won't be a yearly drama.

God Bless all of you who have problem mothers-in-law. Mine was a living saint. I'd be hard pressed to say who loved me more: my own mom or my mom-in-law. She's been gone for almost 15 years now, dying way too young at 72. Still miss her.

Good advice.

Sounds like MIL is well intentioned in that she wants her boy to have good stuff to burn, but is lacking in realizing that her daughter is set because of a good husband. Helping one may hurt the other and that is not fair.

pen

 

[smokinj]

These extra details help a lot. Keep your own wood and help BIL get started cutting his own. If you arrange for a drop at his house, and maybe even offer to help him it should please his Mom. In the process, try again to educate him on getting his wood c/s/s well ahead of time and even getting a year or two ahead. Once he starts burning good wood, he'll understand and maybe this won't be a yearly drama.

God Bless all of you who have problem mothers-in-law. Mine was a living saint. I'd be hard pressed to say who loved me more: my own mom or my mom-in-law. She's been gone for almost 15 years now, dying way too young at 72. Still miss her.

Good advice.

Sounds like MIL is well intentioned in that she wants her boy to have good stuff to burn, but is lacking in realizing that her daughter is set because of a good husband. Helping one may hurt the other and that is not fair.

pen

Well throwing this in late I can see why the mil says you should deliver it and stack it for him......bil should not have to lift a finger with the late entry! Just saying its drama thing. Its a penalty shot at this point. ;-P

 

[woodmiser]

If I ever get diagnosed with an illness and the doc says I only have 6 months, I'm moving in with my mother in law. Those 6 months will seem like forever.

 

[pen]

If I ever get diagnosed with an illness and the doc says I only have 6 months, I'm moving in with my mother in law. Those 6 months will seem like forever.

This proves we need a LOL button as well as a +1 button.

pen

 

[Wallace]

I had a similar situation last month. My BIL is a fair weather hunter. We both drew an excellent bull elk tag in the same unit. I did all the scouting and setting up a huge camp. I shot my muzzle loader all summer, he shot his on 2 occasions. I informed him that since this was a huge tag that I would not babysit him. I killed on the second day while he pissed and moaned about not seeing elk. So I finally took him out and he missed a GIANT at sixty yds! Poetic justice! I ended up getting him a shot at a small bull, then ended up gutting and quartering him(the elk). Moral of the story is, he is family and family comes first. Have him come over and help you cut and stack a cord, in return for giving him a cord. I always like it when my sister tells my BIL to "better call Craig" when any hunting or gun buying questions come up. Just pisses him off

 

[Thistle]

If I ever get diagnosed with an illness and the doc says I only have 6 months, I'm moving in with my mother in law. Those 6 months will seem like forever.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[BlankBlankBlank]

Caddy user, My wife is more pissed than i am, she is tired of her brother getting the prince treatment, and tired if her mother expecting everyone else to treat him like a prince. Plus my wife is forever cold, when it's 65 degrees out she wants a fire, so she doesn't want to give up a single piece of wood lol

Sounds like your wife is on your side, which is exactly what is needed for a good marriage. I'd kindly tell MIL that you offered many, many, many times to include your brother-in-law in the wood acquisitions and he declined, thus living with his decision by not having the wood to burn come winter time. As was alluded to earlier, there are countless fables dealing with this very issue. I like the adage "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today." Your BIL did not do the work "today" so to speak so "tomorrow" (meaning now) has come.

Now, he is your BIL and presumably will be for the indefinite, until death do us part, future, so I would keep the peace but not through enabling him like MIL would have you do. If he wants to work, give him work.

 

[CTYank]

Wow...kinda sounding like the "Occupy Woodburners" version of "Occupy Wall Street"...not willing to work for it, but will protest for you to support me. :lol:

All kidding aside...I kinda like what fireview2788 said.

Seriously, who ever said that the Koch Bros. ever worked for any of their billions (fruit of daddy's inheritance)? Get it "fair and balanced" eh.

If MIL persisted in specifying all aspects of this freebie for her darling son, I'd point her to that stack of logs over there, tell her where she could get a good buy on tools (chainsaw/splitting tools/etc) and tell her that she could knock herself out working on it anytime between 9AM and 6PM. Then haul the splits to Sonny in her Golf. And, be sure to clean up after. Tell her she should get a move on if he's going to burn it this year; maybe Sonny could help.

Do all of this in earshot of your SO with a smile, with theme "how to finish what you started."

Would that constitute an "epiphany" or a "religious experience"?

 

[jimbom]

If I ever get diagnosed with an illness and the doc says I only have 6 months, I'm moving in with my mother in law. Those 6 months will seem like forever.

Gotta remember that one.

 

[jimbom]

...in earshot of your SO with a smile, with theme "how to finish what you started."

Would that constitute an "epiphany" or a "religious experience"?

Religious experience. As in, "KREX1010 reporting, St Peter, sir." St Peter looking in the book, "Son I don't have you scheduled for today. What happened." "Well sir, I am not sure. I was talking with my MIL with a smile on my face...."