Funniest Things You've Heard Hearth Related

[woodsmaster]

A farmer I know -

"Outdoor wood burners are great, they'll disintegrate a diaper or a dead pig and those tires really put out the heat."

 

[JustWood]

I've heard this at least 100 times over the years answering the office phone.

Wood customer: " Hello, I see you have mill slabwood advertised in the paper."
Me: " Why yes we do, wood you like to place an order and if so how much wood you like?"
Customer: " I have one question before placing my order."
Me: " Yes, I'll answer any questions you have."
Customer: " Is this the mill wood that has twice the bark of normal split wood?"
Me: "Exactly what do you mean by twice the bark?"
Customer: " Is the bark alot thicker on this type of wood than if we ordered the split wood you have available also?"
Me: " Yes, we genetically engineer trees to grow twice the normal thickness of bark due to the fact that the log portion of the tree will be run through the mill and the top wood from the tree grows the normal thickness of bark specifically for our split wood customers."
And this really is really is my answer. About 75% of the time they still order the slab even after I've been a smart azz. I'm guessing due to the cheap price and being able to buy twice the wood for the money AND twice the bark. hehehe

 

[krex1010]

When I was shopping for my stove, I went to a particular shop and asked for a installed price on an Avalon rainier, with an insulated liner. The nice lady said " we include insulation every liner that we install, at no additional cost" I was a bit surprised and I asked if she was sure, because most shops charge like $500 for insulation, she said, " yeah our guys insulate every liner, they put a bunch of it up around the damper."

At another shop i was told that the vc Montpelier puts out more "psi" than any other similar sized stove.

Just a few things that made me realize that you can never assume a salesman knows what they are talking about.

 

[kenny chaos]

Neighbor lady stopped and said she saw smoke. Looking at the smoldering pile of debris next to my firewood pile, she asked if I was burning some of my firewood. I said yes, I had too much. She accepted that and we went on to have a little chit chat while I was grinning ear to ear. :lol:

 

[oldspark]

Just about got kicked out of a place that sold woodburners in Oma. Neb. once, my brother in law and I were having a discussion about the 25ft or so of single stove pipe they had on the wood burner on the floor, I was telling him that could form more cresote, the sales man jumped in and told me I was wrong, it kinda got ugly, the funny thing was I was not even talking to him.

 

[begreen]

good fire wood for sale, nice dry fur

 

[kenny chaos]

good fire wood for sale, nice dry fur

AAHHhahahahaha..