“Fresh” firewood

[Sean in the woods]

I live in the land of urbanite tourists and snowbirds.

While driving 5 hours to pick up my wife from the airport she was diverted to (don’t ask), I notices one of the many signs alongside the road offering firewood for sale. This one was offering Fresh Firewood. (!)

Got me thinking about the conversation I might have if I pulled in and played the tourist…

======

Me: I noticed your sign on the road. Is fresh wood really better?

Seller: You betcha! Remember those wonderful smokey campfires you made when you were a kid? Well, for that, only the best and freshest firewood will do! Don’t fall for the scammers trying to pass off old dried out wood at a premium price! It hardly smokes at all and it burns off so quick, you’ll have to go back for more. That’s all part of the scam!

Me: Golly!

Seller: That’s right, and there’s more! Old dried out wood lights off with little more than a match and some kindling and then it could burn without any further help. That’s dangerous!! Our exclusive fresh firewood needs this here butane safety torch to light it with. Then, after a few minutes, you need to use the torch again to keep it going. This exclusive safety feature makes sure that your fire will never burn unattended, even if you pass out drunk next to it! Plus, if you buy our exclusive safety torch now, I’ll throw in a large bottle of fuel that has enough butane for at least 2 campfires!

Me: Wow! How much?

Seller: Well, it takes a lot of extra care and handling to keep this here wood its freshest, so normally I sell it for $10 a split. But for you, I’ll let it go for only $19.99 for 2 splits. And I’ll even throw in that large bottle of butane I mentioned earlier. Whadaya say?

=============


It was a long drive and I had to keep myself awake somehow…

 

[clancey]

That's quite something Sean...Today me with little experience with this type of "getting wood" ordered 2 racks of kiln dried firewood and it is Oak --about 16 inches long and split.. I pay extra for shipping from there to here in CO.. I told the young lady I just wanted to get it to stack it in my fire stove room for an emergency and I bought enough for about a week.--not constant burning but it will start me off with my new adventure anyway..We laughed ...What a wonderful web site they have created and so easy to work with as well as a good wood sales person with this family concern..She was young but efficient and I am sure beautiful...lol...Now if I do not get my wood I might very well have another opinion..So basically I did the same thing you did today inquiring about firewood...clancey

 

[JimBear]

I live in the land of urbanite tourists and snowbirds.

While driving 5 hours to pick up my wife from the airport she was diverted to (don’t ask), I notices one of the many signs alongside the road offering firewood for sale. This one was offering Fresh Firewood. (!)

Got me thinking about the conversation I might have if I pulled in and played the tourist…

======

Me: I noticed your sign on the road. Is fresh wood really better?

Seller: You betcha! Remember those wonderful smokey campfires you made when you were a kid? Well, for that, only the best and freshest firewood will do! Don’t fall for the scammers trying to pass off old dried out wood at a premium price! It hardly smokes at all and it burns off so quick, you’ll have to go back for more. That’s all part of the scam!

Me: Golly!

Seller: That’s right, and there’s more! Old dried out wood lights off with little more than a match and some kindling and then it could burn without any further help. That’s dangerous!! Our exclusive fresh firewood needs this here butane safety torch to light it with. Then, after a few minutes, you need to use the torch again to keep it going. This exclusive safety feature makes sure that your fire will never burn unattended, even if you pass out drunk next to it! Plus, if you buy our exclusive safety torch now, I’ll throw in a large bottle of fuel that has enough butane for at least 2 campfires!

Me: Wow! How much?

Seller: Well, it takes a lot of extra care and handling to keep this here wood its freshest, so normally I sell it for $10 a split. But for you, I’ll let it go for only $19.99 for 2 splits. And I’ll even throw in that large bottle of butane I mentioned earlier. Whadaya say?

=============


It was a long drive and I had to keep myself awake somehow…

I totally get it & understand, it can get pretty crowded in my truck with just me & the voices in my head. If you have to talk to someone it may as well be someone you like.

 

[johneh]

I totally get it & understand, it can get pretty crowded in my truck with just me & the voices in my head. If you have to talk to someone it may as well be someone you like.

You're fine as long as you don't answer your own dumb questions

 

[BCC_Burner]

If I had a dollar for every time someone has admonished me for seasoning wood for multiple summers because it will be "too dry," will burn "too fast," and will thus burn "dirty" I could buy myself a cord of kiln-dried firewood.

 

[Rusty18]

My favorite.
“Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!”

 

[clancey]

Your not the only one I talk to myself all the time...lol clancey

 

[andym]

My favorite.
“Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!”

What better way is there to get a reliable second opinion?

 

[PA. Woodsman]

Your not the only one I talk to myself all the time...lol clancey

You're never alone lol!!

 

[clancey]

Smart A... but that's true--never alone---lol lol I like your sense of humor but I am waiting for two racks of oak wood kiln dried and when I get that bill: I will be talking to myself as well as answering...lol In reality looking forward to this special wood coming here so I can see how much I did not need to spend...But I tell you I will feel prepared for this winter if there is a emergency like what happened in Texas and in my state it will be even more colder . Texas had a severe cold front hit them at that very time and I know the people scrabbled to try to stay warm...I want at least feel prepared for anything and I hate to be cold..I remember when my forced air heater failed and it was in the middle of winter and all my windows were frozen solid and the heater man brought two heaters over for me because I do not drive in snow and my those little heaters let me survive until the fan was fixed on the forced air heater.. Now I have boiler heat and really do not want it to freeze so I have back up when the wood gets here--lol...See I am talking to myself now...thanks..clancey

 

[PA. Woodsman]

Oh I have quite the conversations with myself and at times when I get caught that's what I tell people "I'm never alone" and they usually leave quickly thinking I'm crazy lol!!

 

[MongoMongoson]

I live in the land of urbanite tourists and snowbirds.

While driving 5 hours to pick up my wife from the airport she was diverted to (don’t ask), I notices one of the many signs alongside the road offering firewood for sale. This one was offering Fresh Firewood. (!)

Got me thinking about the conversation I might have if I pulled in and played the tourist…

======

Me: I noticed your sign on the road. Is fresh wood really better?

Seller: You betcha! Remember those wonderful smokey campfires you made when you were a kid? Well, for that, only the best and freshest firewood will do! Don’t fall for the scammers trying to pass off old dried out wood at a premium price! It hardly smokes at all and it burns off so quick, you’ll have to go back for more. That’s all part of the scam!

Me: Golly!

Seller: That’s right, and there’s more! Old dried out wood lights off with little more than a match and some kindling and then it could burn without any further help. That’s dangerous!! Our exclusive fresh firewood needs this here butane safety torch to light it with. Then, after a few minutes, you need to use the torch again to keep it going. This exclusive safety feature makes sure that your fire will never burn unattended, even if you pass out drunk next to it! Plus, if you buy our exclusive safety torch now, I’ll throw in a large bottle of fuel that has enough butane for at least 2 campfires!

Me: Wow! How much?

Seller: Well, it takes a lot of extra care and handling to keep this here wood its freshest, so normally I sell it for $10 a split. But for you, I’ll let it go for only $19.99 for 2 splits. And I’ll even throw in that large bottle of butane I mentioned earlier. Whadaya say?

=============


It was a long drive and I had to keep myself awake somehow…

I can see this working on the Appleknockers.

 

[Sean in the woods]

I can see this working on the Appleknockers.

Yep, Snow Birds and Leafies too…