Steven Wright on humidity

[latichever]

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

 

[junksta]

Ive got some powdered water...but I don't know what to add.

 

[jjbaer]

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

save your money...you can always dump more moisture into the air than you can take out.....

 

[Grinder]

I put instant coffee in the microwave and went back in time.

 

[My_3_Girls]

I walked up to a convienience store just as the clerk was locking up. I said " the sign says open 24 hours." He replied, "not in a row!"

 

[homebrewz]

A cop pulled me over for speeding and he said "don't you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?" I said "yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long".

 

[My_3_Girls]

If you are driving around at the speed of light, and you turn your headlights on, would they do anything? hehehehe

 

[drewmo]

I walked up to a convienience store just as the clerk was locking up. I said " the sign says open 24 hours." He replied, "not in a row!"

do 24 hour stores have locks on the front door?

 

[buildingmaint]

I have a life size map of the United States.

 

[JayY]

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in
front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.

 

[thechimneysweep]

I moved into a new house, and couldn't figure out what this one wall switch was for. So every time I walked by, I'd hit it a few times to see if I could figure out what it did. Six months later, I get a letter from this lady in Brazil. Said "Knock it off."

 

[Rusty]

The other day I..... wait, no I didnt....

 

[begreen]

“Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.”

 

[stoveguy2esw]

why do you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway???

 

[Charlie Z]

You know that feeling you get when you tip back in your chair and almost fall backwards? That's how I feel all the time.

 

[loneeagle15]

If the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and you change sides does that now mean your grass is greener

 

[tw40x81]

I went to buy a woodstove, and they asked if I wanted a gold filled door, I said No, I want the gold on the outside.

 

[NewtownPA]

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

 

[NewtownPA]

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

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I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale."