Started as stove talk now thread about marriage, etc...
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Long story short, she found out the truth about the wood I got by going through messages on my phone while I was sleeping and went off the deep end , needless to say it didn’t go over well. At this point I don’t think this marriage has ever been as bad as it is now. And it hasn’t been great for a while. The icing on the cake this morning is that I used the wood cutting board to cut fruit and cucumbers for the kids school lunches instead of a glass one and she has asked me many times not to do that because she does not want it to get wrecked (keep in mind it is by no means a nice wood cutting board. It’s old and already beat up. It’s a small slide out one from under the counter top). In all honestly I don’t do it deliberately, I really honesty just keep forgetting because I’ve been in the habit of doing that for so long it just becomes robotic especially in the morning. I know it’s an excuse but that’s the gods honest truth. There was a glimmer of hope before that point things could be improving but it went right back to how bad, if not worse, than it was as of last night.
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BobcatBranch
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Man, trust issues never work out in a marriage. I hope you can find some happiness there, one way or the other.
She needs serious help with Conflict Resolution. Of course she will never get it.
And as we've said before the Trust issue is what the Real problem is. 100%
And as we've said before the Trust issue is what the Real problem is. 100%
Curious how you came to the conflict resolution opinion?
Not sure if the trust issue can ever be truly solved.
kids are tougher than we think,keep it civil witch she won't and move on.she sounds like mine NUTS.i find yes dear seems to drive her nuts or turning her perfectly lined cans sideways does the trick
The way she reacts to whatever you seem to do she doesn't like. Heals dug in, threatening divorce, it's her way or the highway, being nasty about a cutting board.
Being a B otch is no way to get what you want, threatening and attacking others is no way to resolve problems.
That method only works very short term. It's extremely damaging long term because of the resentment it creates and trust it destroys.
Nobody likes or wants to do anything for a nasty person.
go and enjoy life,you only have one to live.you can cook you can do laundry after that you do everything else.so thinking truthfully what do you need them for
It’s funny that’s exactly what she says about me about how it’s my way or the highway and she’s done with that and is sticking up for herself. She says she always gives in to what I want and no more. Finally growing a back bone. And “all this stuff” she gives into is stuff for the house. Necessary repairs, tree removal for hazardous trees, things to make our house more self sufficient and more economical, or just regular maintenance. She somehow either doesn’t care about that stuff, doesn’t see it, or sees it and just ignores it. She’s one of those people that unless it has to be fixed RIGHT NOW she doesn’t want to do it. Chimney is just one example.
Our mindsets in these things are very different and that is part of the core issue. Because if I don’t push for these things to get done (other than home solar) it will
Lead to bigger more expensive problems
I don’t get how it’s my way or the highway if I’m doing everything I can to protect and maintain our biggest investment
Copy, yeah that makes sense. So you got to find a way, going forward, to work out issues. I could see her side maybe if she is short term thinking that you guys are spending too much in her mind and making her, justifiably, fear being broke or too much in debt. That's not necessarily a bad thing.
I see how she could have a point about let's say the 261. Instead of a nice new 261 you could have gotten a used ms 290 that would still be more than you really need but at much cheaper cost. (not sure if you did get the 261 new?)
Believe me i'd love a nice 261 too but my 029 has been a boss for 20 years. Got it used from a tenant.
I get home repairs, that's what i do. Fully understand catching problems before they grow to big problems. Sounds like she can't see the long future costs.
I think you said you guys spent 16K on a heat pump?
I see how she could have a point about let's say the 261. Instead of a nice new 261 you could have gotten a used ms 290 that would still be more than you really need but at much cheaper cost. (not sure if you did get the 261 new?)
Believe me i'd love a nice 261 too but my 029 has been a boss for 20 years. Got it used from a tenant.
I get home repairs, that's what i do. Fully understand catching problems before they grow to big problems. Sounds like she can't see the long future costs.
I think you said you guys spent 16K on a heat pump?
Yes. We did. I paid for that in cash from an injury I sustained. All labor done by me. Reason is we invested in that because our window acs were consuming huge amounts of power and not cooling the house well enough. And she loves her AC. I would have to done lots of wiring upgrades to run all ACs at once (too many at once and it would trip breakers). So that was an easy sell.
I also bought the saw from a side job I did last year around the time I bought the saw. So paid cash again for that.
So none of that truly “out of pocket”.
She has always hated spending money and always been a saver.
No I know you’re not saying it’s 100% me, I am just trying to explain and clarify things that’s all.
As far as the saw goes, sure I could have gotten a little cheaper saw. But between using it up in maine and at home I needed a decent saw and opted for the pro series saw due To its performance and serviceability. I had been having issues with my old saw for a while and got tired of putting money into a cheap saw
There's a big difference from
"F u don't do that because i say so" and
"That project is really expensive, we already have credit card debt that's costing us 18% interest, how badly do we really need this right now, or before we get all our other debt paid off?"
If we can get from the 1st quote to the second that would be huge.
"F u don't do that because i say so" and
"That project is really expensive, we already have credit card debt that's costing us 18% interest, how badly do we really need this right now, or before we get all our other debt paid off?"
If we can get from the 1st quote to the second that would be huge.
Yes. I realize that. We have minimal credit card debt that will be paid off when taxes come in. In truth most times she reponds in the latter part of your post.
But this whole thing with the stove is a different level all together.
But I get your point. Maybe I push for things to be fixed rather than paying off debt first and that is part of the issue. But sometimes (many, actually) that is a tough decision where to allocate money. I most times lean toward fixing things and she paying things off.
Fiscal Responsibility or the perception of it seems where the trust issues may stem from.
Personally i won't buy anything that would create credit card debt.
And if i had cash it would 1st go to paying any high interest debt.
The weight of high interest is just to heavy a load both financially and mentally.
Personally i won't buy anything that would create credit card debt.
And if i had cash it would 1st go to paying any high interest debt.
The weight of high interest is just to heavy a load both financially and mentally.
She hasn’t trusted me with money since the day we met so you’re spot on with that. I agree in a perfect world that would be ideal. But some times in a pinch we have had to use it. Most times I buy parts for side jobs that I do and use that card and just pay it off when I get paid.
The only other cards I use I use for interest free promotions and pay it off before interest kicks in. Home Depot, for example.
In my late teens early 20s I was irresponsible with money. Spent it on too many toys. I have gotten much better since those days.
To this day I still have zero access to our accounts other than a debit card. She will not give me any login information. I have no idea how much is even in any of our accounts.
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