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You Know You Are A Real Wood Burner When...

Post in 'The Hearth Room - Wood Stoves and Fireplaces' started by BrotherBart, Nov 6, 2008.

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  1. pulldownclaw

    pulldownclaw New Member

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    Richmond, Va
    When you do most of your hand splitting at night by headlamp after the kids are in bed, trying to get that Holz Hausen finished.

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  2. Valhalla

    Valhalla Minister of Fire

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    Feb 12, 2008
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    Essex County, New York
    You know you are a real wood burner when that kind of theft is cause for a shotgun trap! ;>)
  3. firefighterjake

    firefighterjake Minister of Fire

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    . . . you find yourself regularly checking out your friends' and family members' woodpiles and mentally comparing them to your own in terms of quantity, type of wood, and stacking technique.

    . . . you look forward to the weekend even though your sole plans for the weekend are to cut, split and stack wood.

    . . . you go to the hardware store and find yourself wandering by the chainsaws, woodsplitters, axes, woodstoves and other wood cutting/splitting tools even if you have no plans to buy anything.

    . . . at the local hardware store you feel compelled to tell complete strangers about the merits of the new woodstoves and the clean burning technology -- with as much fervor as a TV evangelist.

    . . . you spend more time looking at and designing plans for a new woodshed than you do in planning out the renovations to the house.

    . . . you have a pre-occupation in finding the perfect tree to cut down, a pre-occupation with finding the perfect split to toss into the firebox and a pre-occupation in finding the perfect "sweet spot" on your stove (to say nothing about that annoying habit you have of running outside every 20 minutes to look at your chimney and the lack of smoke.)
  4. caber

    caber New Member

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    Feb 6, 2008
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    291
    Loc:
    Western Maryland
    You keep your chainsaw and apparel int he back of your civic just in case you drive by something usable.

    The pile of unstacked wood in your neighbor's yard makes you twitch with anger every time you drive by.

    You get a big thrill out of conversations at work where your coworkers are complaining about keeping the thermostat at 66 to save money and you're complaining about having to open windows because your house got up to 80.

    You've split wood at midnight cause SNL sucked.

    You dressed up as a logger for Halloween and your kids didn't notice anything different.
  5. vasten

    vasten Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2007
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    90
    Loc:
    Upstate NY
    When on a sunday drive, or anytime out of the house, you are spending more time looking for free wood, down trees or enviously eyeing other peoples wood piles.

    And not to mention that a beautiful wood pile is more arousing than a spouse.
  6. bayshorecs

    bayshorecs New Member

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    Central Illinois
    Wow. that one is harsh!

    Watch out for splinters!
  7. kenny chaos

    kenny chaos Minister of Fire

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    Loc:
    Rochester,ny
    You know you're a real wood burner when half way through a first date you say; "Well, enough about me. Let me tell you about my wood stove."
  8. Turner-n-Burner

    Turner-n-Burner New Member

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    North of Boston
    When your neighbors have forgotten your real name and just call you "the woodguy"
  9. eernest4

    eernest4 New Member

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    ct
    When you put up electric lights in and around the outside of the wood shed so that you can go out & split wood at night, when its cool & you don't have to worry about sun burn or bees.


    When you went out to split wood at 11pm at night & before you know it, the sun comes up!!

    When your out splitting wood & it starts to rain & you won't come in out of the rain until you get all your wood inside first, where its safe & dry.

    When there is almost as much wood in the house as there is in the "full to the roof" wood shed.

    When you go out to split wood & only come back in when, after refilling the wood splitter's 1/2 gallon gas tank several times, the big gas jug goes empty ,too!!

    When you ask your friends to drop off their old newspapers so you can light your stove.

    When you only read the newspaper while you are laying the kindling for the fire.

    When you learn how to sharpen and adjust the chain on your saw yourself.

    When you finally stop using gas chain saws & run a 12 gague wire out to the wood shed for your electric chain saws because they don't vibrate your hands at all.

    When your friends park across the street because they are tired of getting flat tires from the wood splinters created in your drive way while busting up pallets with a sledge hammer.

    When your friends say "yea, we've already seen your woodshed once before".

    When the weeds where you threw your ashes last winter grow better & faster than your garden does.
  10. pyro68

    pyro68 Member

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    Loc:
    east coast
    if you've ever camped out by your wood pile with a shotgun . . . . :lol:
  11. eernest4

    eernest4 New Member

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    ct
    When your wood pile is protected by an electronic bug control module. ;-P
  12. Jags

    Jags Moderate Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Northern IL
    When you spend hours a day staring at hearth.com and reading threads that start with "you know your a real wood burner when....".

    Edit: and giggling because its true or you have done it, or at least thought about doing it.
  13. Vic99

    Vic99 Minister of Fire

    Joined:
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    MA, Suburb of Lowell
    When your wife shakes her head because you have to point out every house with a woodpile that you drive by. "Oooo, he's got a stove . . . and him, and that one . . . "
  14. BrotherBart

    BrotherBart Hearth.com LLC Mid-Atlantic Division Staff Member

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    Northern Virginia
    When you know every house on your regular driving routes that has a stainless chimney liner.
  15. kevin85

    kevin85 Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2008
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    87
    Loc:
    CT
    When you say to your kids, "What to do something fun today?" And they reply with, "Dad, we don't want to go look at the woodpiles again today!"
  16. bayshorecs

    bayshorecs New Member

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    Central Illinois
    When you leave work early to get home in time to light up the stove and work a little on the woodpile before dark.
  17. ScottF

    ScottF New Member

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    When your kid is screaming bloody murder because you are chainsawing his wooden bed frame so you can burn it in the woodstove.
  18. ScottF

    ScottF New Member

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    Southern NH
    When you seriously consider asking your wife if you can build a huge fire and perform a do it yourself creamation on her corpse in the event she happens to go before you.
  19. Jags

    Jags Moderate Moderator Staff Member

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    Northern IL
    :shut: :shut: :shut:
  20. ScottF

    ScottF New Member

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    Southern NH
    I apologize for that one Jags. It may have been a little over the top. I think AP's post led me there. I really did laugh my Aspen off when I read his. He is one helluva funny sob
  21. bayshorecs

    bayshorecs New Member

    Joined:
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    Loc:
    Central Illinois
    When you seriously plan on building a huge fire and perform a do it yourself creamation on her corpse in the event she happens to bug you too much about being too over the top concerning the wood stove.

    (just kidding of course)

    lol
  22. ScottF

    ScottF New Member

    Joined:
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    Loc:
    Southern NH
    when your once wooded lot is now bare as a cow pasture and all of the neighbors are out chained to their ornamental trees to prevent you from sawing them into kindling
  23. markpee

    markpee New Member

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    Aug 12, 2008
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    Loc:
    Huson Valley New York
    Eyeryone in your family (those who live in my house, and those who come from miles away) knows what a "clean burn" looks like, and alerts you when you don't have one.
  24. madrone

    madrone Minister of Fire

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    1,287
    Loc:
    Just South of Portland, OR
    ...you shake your head and click your tongue when you see clouds of smoke billowing out of chimneys.
  25. CowboyAndy

    CowboyAndy New Member

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    Chateaugay, NY
    You know you are a wood burner when you tell you wife that you are just going to the basement to "put some more wood on the fire", she rolls her eyes and you come back upstairs 2 1/2 hours later because you were "making sure they caught".
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