How to tell a good friend "no" Man code issues

[ckarotka]

I have a very good friend that is also a woodburner. I thought it woud be nice to have a partner to go cut with and share some larger scores with. I found one last week and met there to cut. I borrowed my brother-in-laws' dump and dump trailer. Her has a small tacoma. He likes the really big stuff and I don't. So I thought perfect I take what I want and so does he and everyone is happy.

Preface: I borrow the truck because I sold mine for something more economical, in return I help my BIL with his jobs and the building of his house and he provides the truck when he can and eats the gas (within reason), fair I think?

While cutting my friend is under the assumption since I have this big truck and trailer that I will haul his portion to his house.
It's not my truck! Plus I want to get as much as I can while I have it. He will give it to me for a day or half a day while he doesn't need it. I then have to return it to him and clean it out which takes more time for me. I did call my BIL for permission and took the load to his house this time. I did say something to him about "it's not my truck thing" and he whined a bit and got a-little bothered but the day ended with not hard feelings.

The next day he called to ask me about what I thought about this small trailer for his truck, capacity, safety, value. He bought it and now I feel as though he thinks I was being a D*** and he had to buy it to get wood. At the same time he gets wood delivered from tree services and never offers any up.

The next score I have lined up I'm not mentioning it to my friend and will go it alone, Is that bad or wrong on some man code level??

 

[fossil]

Seems to me you & your buddy just need to have a little beer summit about it & come to an understanding. Talking to us here ain't gonna help gettin' him & you right. Rick

 

[smokinj]

If it doesnt work for you it doesnt work

 

[meathead]

Eh I could go either way here. Were you guys doing equal cutting, and he was going to get a lousy tacoma load while you took home a 6 wheel dump and trailer load? If you guys put in equal saw time, you should get equal shares of the wood. Why would he stay there and saw for you all day when he could have filled his tacoma with 10 cuts and been on his merry way?

Either way, he has his own trailer now...problem solved.

As far as telling him no..."No man, it's not my truck, sorry." should pretty much take care of it. If anything run all the wood back to your place with the dump and trailer so you guys can get as much as possible and then let him take his half a tacoma load at a time from your place.

 

[ckarotka]

Eh I could go either way here. Were you guys doing equal cutting, and he was going to get a lousy tacoma load while you took home a 6 wheel dump and trailer load? If you guys put in equal saw time, you should get equal shares of the wood. Why would he stay there and saw for you all day when he could have filled his tacoma with 10 cuts and been on his merry way?

Either way, he has his own trailer now...problem solved.

As far as telling him no..."No man, it's not my truck, sorry." should pretty much take care of it. If anything run all the wood back to your place with the dump and trailer so you guys can get as much as possible and then let him take his half a tacoma load at a time from your place.

We each cut for ourselves, different lengths, he was going to go back the next couple of days because he had the time, my day with the dump was here and gone.

Sorry for whinning just didn't sit well with me. I think it's best to leave well enough alone and wait for another two man score. I did make that suggestion to take it all to my place, but it came down to him not wanting make that many trips.

 

[Tony H]

I kind of agree with meathead. If someone asked me to help and split the wood and he brought a dump truck and trailer and I had a little pickup I would question how fair the split would be when one guy can haul 10 times the load I can.
Like was said an agreement should be made with your buddy...... and really with the BIL is he really like that or it that just you not wanting to pull a load to your buddies
? My BILs would and do say take the truck haul what where you want and I would always put in gas to replace what I use and then some and that's all 3 of them plus 3 nephews that have trucks and I do the same with my trailer for them.
Even with his own trailer he cannot haul what you can with the dump so if there's no other way split up all the wood on site then let each of you load and haul your take home. If it were me and my buddies we would split the wood on site then load up both vehicles and go dump them at one house then go do it again and dump at the other house.
To each his own.

 

[BrowningBAR]

I have a very good friend that is also a woodburner. I thought it woud be nice to have a partner to go cut with and share some larger scores with. I found one last week and met there to cut. I borrowed my brother-in-laws' dump and dump trailer. Her has a small tacoma. He likes the really big stuff and I don't. So I thought perfect I take what I want and so does he and everyone is happy.

Preface: I borrow the truck because I sold mine for something more economical, in return I help my BIL with his jobs and the building of his house and he provides the truck when he can and eats the gas (within reason), fair I think?

While cutting my friend is under the assumption since I have this big truck and trailer that I will haul his portion to his house.
It's not my truck! Plus I want to get as much as I can while I have it. He will give it to me for a day or half a day while he doesn't need it. I then have to return it to him and clean it out which takes more time for me. I did call my BIL for permission and took the load to his house this time. I did say something to him about "it's not my truck thing" and he whined a bit and got a-little bothered but the day ended with not hard feelings.

The next day he called to ask me about what I thought about this small trailer for his truck, capacity, safety, value. He bought it and now I feel as though he thinks I was being a D*** and he had to buy it to get wood. At the same time he gets wood delivered from tree services and never offers any up.

The next score I have lined up I'm not mentioning it to my friend and will go it alone, Is that bad or wrong on some man code level??

This is why I don't socialize much. Too much BS to worry about.

 

[JoeyD]

How much wood was there? I would have taken him a load that would have made him happy then a load that made me happy. After all you are friends, right? Really without knowing the logistic's of the whole operation its hard to comment. But if your in it together one time you might make out better and the next him. It's not really worth it if you have to keep score.

 

[ckarotka]

Ok, I get the point. It was a matter of poor communication. It was no surprise how I planned no moving my share, I told him about it the day I went and found the wood. This weekend when I put in 10 hour days trimming my BIL;s house to repay the favor and future favors, my buddy is drinking beer and watching football. When you don't have a truck of your own and are forced to pay cash for wood if you don't get enough when you can, I guess you lose site of more important things. Three years and I get my truck back, once the car is paid for. That's a long time to beg, borrow and steal and wood hauler.

I hope I didn't come off as a **** that was not my intention, I just have to jump through hoops to get what I can. I know I'm not the only one out there with no truck and a wood addiction.

 

[LLigetfa]

The next score I have lined up I'm not mentioning it to my friend and will go it alone, Is that bad or wrong on some man code level??

Ja, it's wrong and petty to cut him out now. I think he got that he needs to carry his own weight and has his own trailer now, so get over it. You're right that he shouldn't have asked to borrow a trailer that is not yours to lend. If he still feels inferior with his little truck and little trailer, tell him "suck it up, Buttercup".

 

[Thrash44047]

WOW not much of a buddy team if ya ask me. My buds wouldn't expect this from me and if I said hey I can its the BILs they would back off. Seems like more beer bonding for you two is defiantly in order. Be glad you have a decent BIL, mine is a douche, wouldn't piss down his .... nevermind i was off on a tangent.

 

[burntime]

WOW not much of a buddy team if ya ask me. My buds wouldn't expect this from me and if I said hey I can its the BILs they would back off. Seems like more beer bonding for you two is defiantly in order. Be glad you have a decent BIL, mine is a douche, wouldn't piss down his .... nevermind i was off on a tangent.

Tell us how you really feal :lol:

 

[ckarotka]

I can't complain about the BIL he's really good to me and I only
want to respect his tools for him since that's how he makes his money.
With out that truck when he needs it (if I were to break it or MVA) he would
loose a lot more than just gas money.

Example. We both did construction. He still does and owns a Co. I don't anymore
and sold my tools to him. I needed a roof he supplied all tools and lined
up the job material dumpster etc. I do what I can for him when I can.

 

[savageactor7]

hummm ...yup, I think what fossil thinks.

 

[firefighterjake]

Whenever I work with my good friend Joe I go into the job purposefully thinking that I want to make things right with him so he doesn't feel slighted as I appreciate the fact that he is helping me (and helping him at the same time) . . . but more important than getting a load of firewood is my friendship and relationship with Joe and good friends look out for each other.

That said, you had quite a quandry . . . but seeing as the truck wasn't yours I think you handled it right this time.

What I might suggest next time is to do what Joe and I do . . . we work separately for part of the time . . . and yet work together. We play on each other's strengths. I'm a bit better at taking down trees so often I'll knock down a tree or two and then Joe will start on one end and I'll start on the other and we each cut to our own required lengths (I cut longer, he cuts shorter) or I'll cut on one tree and he'll cut on the other or sometimes I'll cut while he hauls out the wood with the ATV or vice versa. Sometimes we load our separate vehicles (trailer for me, pick up for him) or sometimes we'll do the one load for you, one load for me deal.

I guess what I'm saying is that at the end of the day, for me, I value Joe's friendship a helluva lot more than I value a load of firewood and I'm not about to risk that friendship over being shorted a bit of wood, wondering who did more work, etc. . . . and at the end of the day . . . or maybe for lunch . . . we'll make a point to get together and share a meal . . . for me, cutting wood is partly about keeping warm in the winter, but it's also about maintaining a good relationship with a friend . . . man style.

Hopefully you guys can come to an agreeable solution . . . perhaps work together to make more equitable loads.

 

[SolarAndWood]

The next score I have lined up I'm not mentioning it to my friend and will go it alone, Is that bad or wrong on some man code level??

Keeping my family warm comes before man code.

Scrounging is a one man operation anyway unless it is a ridiculous amount of wood. Is that the kind of score you are talking about?

 

[marsfarmer]

Couldn't agree more with Firefighterjake. The major advantage of working with a buddy is that you save resources, which keeps the economic cost of woodcutting low. I have a truck and saws and usually find the score, while my buddy provides gas, extra elbow grease and a big shed for both of us. And if we run out of bar and chain oil, he runs out to get it while I keep working. Not to mention keeping each other motivated throughout the day. To me, it always seems to even out at the end of the year if not the end of the day, but the main thing is that we are investing half as much in the venture than we would separately:

Alone = OLD TRUCK($2000) + SAW($350) + MAUL($40) + GEAR($75) + GAS/OIL/MAINT($300) = $2805
Buddy System = Alone/2 = $1402.50

That's money in the bank.
Economically, I think it's kind of a waste for both guys to feel like they have to have ALL their own stuff. You know, like instead of figuring out how to share a truck, you guys both have spent money on separate transport, so you effectively raised the price of that wood for both of you.
When all else fails, use wood as currency. You take a little extra wood for the extra driving, that kind of thing.
Now, I don't know about the BIL thing, mine lives in another state, but try not to worry too much about getting people back right away. I know I feel guilty bothering people for favors sometimes and want to make it even as quick as I can, but it might help to think long term. You'll remember that he helped you when he needs help, and Sh*t, I'd let anybody borrow my truck in exchange for finish carpentry at my house! That's skilled labor! He's a grown man, and knows that one day of carpentry is worth 2 weeks of you driving his truck. He isn't gonna worry about 10 extra miles on his odometer.

 

[Danno77]

I like cutting wood with my BIL. I work faster and safer with someone else around, nobody stops to sit around because the other one is working. We've only been cutting for a couple of years together, but it's like clockwork. I know what he needs, he knows what i need. I tried working with my FIL recently and it was awkward and slow. He didn't just KNOW that I needed a felling wedge in behind my cut. he didn't just KNOW I needed his leverage to get a log off the ground. He didn't ANTICIPATE my fillup and have mix and bar/chain oil sitting a couple of feet behind me. BIL and I can work 8 hours straight without talking except for deciding which trees to take and chatting during lunch or something.

Nothing is better than a good cutting buddy.

That being said, don't girl up your relationship with all this garbage. Let him get his trailer, it will come in handy, I guarantee it. keep on as if nothing happened. That's what man code is. Make sure he gets his moneys worth out of the trailer, say several times how awesome it is that he got it. Even if he is resentful that he has to get it, he won't be when owning it pays off. C'mon, who doesn't want a new toy like that?

 

[ckarotka]

The next score I have lined up I'm not mentioning it to my friend and will go it alone, Is that bad or wrong on some man code level??

Keeping my family warm comes before man code.

Scrounging is a one man operation anyway unless it is a ridiculous amount of wood. Is that the kind of score you are talking about?

There was more wood there than I could get out in one day with the truck I had by myself. It was never about me taking more or less, plenty for both of us. It's still there now too. He has gone back with his truck, I can't no truck. IT is about putting me on the spot about transporting it.

I think the points have been made, I like cutting with him no doubt, and now he has the ability to haul more in one load than before so I think it's fine now. Just needed to vent a-little.

 

[d.n.f.]

If he is a good friend then you should be able to start the conversation off with " Hey, you are being a potlicker. "
Haul your own or pay me in copious amounts of beer/cash/split wood.

There is doing a favour, and then there is taking the piss.

 

[BrowningBAR]

If he is a good friend then you should be able to start the conversation off with " Hey, you are being a potlicker. "
Haul your own or pay me in copious amounts of beer/cash/split wood.

There is doing a favour, and then there is taking the piss.

+1

 

[SolarAndWood]

It's still there now too. He has gone back with his truck, I can't no truck.

Sounds like a man code issue.

 

[Tony H]

It's still there now too. He has gone back with his truck, I can't no truck.

Sounds like a man code issue.

Sounds like now could be a time to get things settled maybe you go help him and split the wood with you taking less to even things out for using his truck and trailer or maybe you supply all the gas and oil for the saws or lunch the solutions are endless . Make a point of letting him take the lead on making the call on how to split things , no reason you can't work together out of one vehicle.
Like Jake said good buddies are alot more valuable than wood.

 

[Flatbedford]

There you go. Tell him that now that he bought the trailer you won't have to borrow BIL's rig. You can make two trips with his together.

 

[Flatbedford]

Scrounging is a one man operation anyway unless it is a ridiculous amount of wood.

That's they way I feel and the way I work. I go to my job on Saturdays and spend Sunday's with the family. My scrounging is done on my weekday off. I have always been somewhat of a loner and my job just reinforces that. Since graduating high school twenty or so years ago I have grown more and more independent and somewhat anti-social. The whole firewood thing is my highly valued alone time. I have a buddy that I have cut with a couple times and it was a nice change, but it took us a month to free up a day together.