Is anyone else a "Wood-Whisperer"?

[ChrisN]

So I admit I spend a fair amount of time out at my wood-to-be-processed pile. It's just me, my maul, sledge, two wedges and many rounds of all shapes and sizes. I've found myself more and more making comments to the wood I'm splitting. If I happen upon an especially gnarly or knotty piece, I'll firmly tell it resistance is futile ( I've found a little profanity intimidates most wood except elm), if the round is that perfect size to split in half and turn into a future overnight burner, I'll tell it that, as I line up the sledge. There is usually at least one piece that I just cant get to split and as I throw it on the "work on later" pile. I'll compliment it grudgingly and tell it to expect me soon (one of those bastards ate a wedge a week ago and I still haven't freed it; He's a fighter!) So, is this early symptons of Alzimers, or are there others like me out there?

 

[jpl1nh]

I fear we're all with you %-P

 

[BrotherBart]

I would but the wood wouldn't hear me over the sound of the engine on the splitter. I sit in a lawn chair with an adult beverage after it is on the pile and commune with it telepathically.

 

[mtalea]

I tried talking to my bags of pellets..But nothing in return. Maybe im doing something wrong.....perhaps I need to hang a bag or 2 up and punch them like a punch bag.like rocky did to the meat....ya ya thats it....ya but who would clean up the pellets that spill..me of course...thats alot like work....ill just keep talking to them!..lol

 

[ChrisN]

I would but the wood wouldn't hear me over the sound of the engine on the splitter. I sit in a lawn chair with an adult beverage after it is on the pile and commune with it telepathically.

Yeah, the hydraulic splitter to the maul is like a snowmoble to snowshoes: it takes some of the intimacy out of the relationship!

 

[pearsall]

I frequently ask my 4 year old daughter to come with me to see how the wood piles are doing. Her reaction is the same as my wife's - confused as to why I would want to stare at wood dry. For me, watching wood dry is a lot more enjoyable than watching paint dry!

 

[rhetoric]

So I admit I spend a fair amount of time out at my wood-to-be-processed pile. It's just me, my maul, sledge, two wedges and many rounds of all shapes and sizes. I've found myself more and more making comments to the wood I'm splitting. If I happen upon an especially gnarly or knotty piece, I'll firmly tell it resistance is futile ( I've found a little profanity intimidates most wood except elm), if the round is that perfect size to split in half and turn into a future overnight burner, I'll tell it that, as I line up the sledge. There is usually at least one piece that I just cant get to split and as I throw it on the "work on later" pile. I'll compliment it grudgingly and tell it to expect me soon (one of those bastards ate a wedge a week ago and I still haven't freed it; He's a fighter!) So, is this early symptons of Alzimers, or are there others like me out there?

Nope. I'm sorry. You are ill.

Actually, talking to the wood is probably fairly normal. If you ever hear it talking back to you, however, seek medical help.

 

[hookspacken]

I feel so much better now... I thought I was the only one talking ant threatning my wood.

 

[wg_bent]

I tried talking to my bags of pellets..But nothing in return. Maybe im doing something wrong.....perhaps I need to hang a bag or 2 up and punch them like a punch bag.like rocky did to the meat....ya ya thats it....ya but who would clean up the pellets that spill..me of course...thats alot like work....ill just keep talking to them!..lol

Pellets are to to wood as the Borg is to Humanity. Lifeless, purposeful, little beasties that have only one use. Wood has soul, it has character, and it has many purposes. Wood was alive! Of course it speaks back to you, the same way the mountains speak to you in a beautiful valley in the Adirondaks in the fall, the same..............................................Sorry guys, this is Warren's wife.. I"ve called the guys in the rubber truck and white suits.. He'll be going away for a while....

 

[mtalea]

now that was funny!

 

[tutu_sue]

When I get a stubborn one - I think about the ash hole I used to work for and THWACK! - splits no problem.

 

[n6crv]

That must be a East Coast thing.
Don

 

[glassmanjpf]

Now I know I'm normal. My wife and kids stare at me as I watch the wood dry...oh the joy!

 

[North of 60]

OH the sanity of it all. You are all a bunch of good folk. Now can somone explain this all to my wife before she takes the kids away! :roll:

 

[DiscoInferno]

I try not to let the wife or the neighbors catch me admiring or inspecting the stacks. It's a guilty pleasure. My daughter's swing runs parallel to one stack and near another, so when she's on it I have plausible deniability.

 

[pearsall]

I try not to let the wife or the neighbors catch me admiring or inspecting the stacks. It's a guilty pleasure. My daughter's swing runs parallel to one stack and near another, so when she's on it I have plausible deniability.

I like this approach. May all outdoor activity can be strategically located near our wood supply!

 

[babalu87]

About all I will do is say "burning you is going to be a #$%&*#G PLEASURE" to the especially gnarly pieces once they give up the goods.

 

[Todd]

I think some of you need therapy. %-P

 

[eba1225]

Yep,
I too talk to the would be victims of my wedge and maul.
When they go easily I say now that wasn't that bad...but when they put up a tight I say resistance is futile.

Erik

 

[chad]

Hi, this is Michelle again, Chad's wife. I am so relieved to read this thread! I thought I was the only one who treated our wood as animate objects! Since Chad is the one with the muscles, he usually does the splitting, but I have found that a little soft spoken terms of endearment do help the process along! Heck, what the wood gives us certainly warrants our treating it with respect!

 

[WarmGuy]

This group therapy is very helpful, thanks.

 

[BrotherBart]

Hi, this is Michelle again, Chad's wife. I am so relieved to read this thread! I thought I was the only one who treated our wood as animate objects! Since Chad is the one with the muscles, he usually does the splitting, but I have found that a little soft spoken terms of endearment do help the process along! Heck, what the wood gives us certainly warrants our treating it with respect!

Cut it with a chainsaw and smack it to pieces with a maul. Hmmm... Wouldn't want to see what you do for disrespect! :ahhh: