Started as stove talk now thread about marriage, etc...
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Please, it’s Matt. That’s just my initials. I wish, but I think hell will freeze over before I ever get a chance to hear her ask me to light the stove because it’s cold. She’d just turn the thermostat up 🫠Sorry to hear you're feeling crappy, Caw.
In related news, my wife just complained that it was "freezing in here", meaning our home office where one of the stoves resides. The temperature has dropped to an absolutely frigid 76.8°F.See what I mean, MRD?
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Caw
Minister of Fire
It's your house too my man. Nobody can kick you out of your own house except the police and only if you did something wrong. Unless she paid for it and makes all the payments herself you don't need to go anywhere. If she's so upset she can go to her parents house to cool off.
I really hate the "you have to leave" crap in a relationship. No I don't. I live here, I pay for it, it's my bed too. You can't kick me out and I can't kick you out. Feel free to sleep on the couch yourself I'll be right here in my spot.
Not that I'm advocating for carnage. There are plenty of times to tuck tail or fall on the sword. But I'm not getting kicked out of my own house.
If you don't put your foot down, it'll get worse. I'm not referencing the stove either.
She'll keep looking for more control.
Straight up, tell her your running the stove for added warmth in the home. For both of you.
Sounds like her family will stand behind you for something as simple as running a stove.... er ..... insert.
She'll keep looking for more control.
Straight up, tell her your running the stove for added warmth in the home. For both of you.
Sounds like her family will stand behind you for something as simple as running a stove.... er ..... insert.
Funny story (not so funny really) if you read the whole thread you would have learned that she grew up with a wood stove. They heated their house for 13 years with it. For free. Her mom didn’t like it because she said it was too hot and didn’t like the mess, and before we even bought it was chirping in her ear about how she didn’t think it was a good idea, so I think that’s where part of the influence comes from.
Her dad obviously is on board
Yes, I've been reading from the beginning.
You mentioned above that you both pay out of a joint account. It's both of your house as Caw stated.
You have say in the house too. No need for you to "need permission."
Dam, Sometimes you just got to say "F off B otch".
I know this doesn't really help but when i worked in the movie business, one of the teamsters started giving me a rash of chit about who knows what, nothing important. He just kept giving me chit and i'm thinking WTF is up with this D-ck. Finally i Snapped on him, snapped hard and loud all over him in his face. After that, for The rest of the show he acted like my buddy. I was like 23 or 24 at the time and he was probably 50. So i learned that teamster type guys want to see if you have any balls. And they will push you till you show them you do. I never liked that crap and never spoke to that guy again. But some people just have to see your balls.
I know this doesn't really help but when i worked in the movie business, one of the teamsters started giving me a rash of chit about who knows what, nothing important. He just kept giving me chit and i'm thinking WTF is up with this D-ck. Finally i Snapped on him, snapped hard and loud all over him in his face. After that, for The rest of the show he acted like my buddy. I was like 23 or 24 at the time and he was probably 50. So i learned that teamster type guys want to see if you have any balls. And they will push you till you show them you do. I never liked that crap and never spoke to that guy again. But some people just have to see your balls.
If she is ragging hard today, then you can just let it go, it really is like a disease. The chemical imbalance is like jeckle and hyde and there is just no way to deal with that.
If not then go throw those flowers you got her in the garbage.
If not then go throw those flowers you got her in the garbage.
Caw
Minister of Fire
Well. I'm just your internet wood friend and I don't want to overstep my bounds but from what I've gathered I think that's something worth seriously considering as a good thing. Finances and kids aside. Do you want to deal with this for another 20-30+ years? It's not just the stove. There will be plenty of other stove-like topics that she'll dig in on knowing she'll win. Again I don't know the financial situation and kids make it tough but you can work around all that. You need to be happy first and foremost or life will suck.
My relationship can be very challenging at times. We've both thought about it. It's been said out loud on a few occasions through some really hard times. My wife can be extremely stubborn and difficult (so can I) but never to this level. Just boldly making threats and demands. She's tough but we do work through things together. We actually actively do counseling, it helps us talk through difficult topics with a referee, and learning ways to express ourselves better. I doubt she'd be into it but that's worth a try too. A therapist would see right through that bullshit smoke of hers.
My point is don't be miserable because you feel you have to...unless you truly like HAVE to financially. But you sound like you have a good job and while it may be tough you wouldn't have to deal with this chit anymore.
Im rambling a bit but this is also setting a poor example for the children. This is one of the primary drivers for us to keep doing counseling. We don't want the kids to grow up watching us communicate terribly any think that's normal. They pay attention. Them seeing you getting railroaded by Mom on this isn't good.
Ok I apologize I'm making a lot of assumptions from a forum thread but I feel strongly about this stuff since I've been in a similar situation. We're working out way out. Things have been slowly improving for a while on my end with real work and buy in from both sides. We have lots to build on. It take two though. You can't do it with one.
Really hoping for the best. Just want you to know the best may not be where you are.
Caw
Minister of Fire
This is where I was going with my giant ramble. Kids notice EVERYTHING and will copy us to a fault. I see it all the time with my kids when my son does a mini me. Good and bad.
The fact that both her dad and brother said they will completely understand if you divorce her is a big red flag to me. My ex in laws said the same to me. I’m still friends with my them to this day 2 years later.
It may just be me and I can be kind of a d**k at times but I would’ve told her to sign the papers at this point. No shot I’d be putting up with that I really don’t like being controlled. Think of your kids like they all said. They will think it’s ok to for a woman to treat her spouse this way when they are older because that’s how mom treated dad.
It may just be me and I can be kind of a d**k at times but I would’ve told her to sign the papers at this point. No shot I’d be putting up with that I really don’t like being controlled. Think of your kids like they all said. They will think it’s ok to for a woman to treat her spouse this way when they are older because that’s how mom treated dad.
Ashful
Minister of Fire
Geez... all this talk of divorce. No good!
Matt, from someone who's been married a long time, I can tell you timing is everything. Wait for that rare moment when she's not frazzled with kids, work, and everything else, and just explain that you really want to use this stove more, that it's something that brings you enjoyment, saves money, and makes the home nicer. And if she can just give it a chance for a month or two, you think she'll really grow to appreciate it, as well. Always better to talk these things out when no one is in an argumentative mood, or feeling pressured by other priorities.
Matt, from someone who's been married a long time, I can tell you timing is everything. Wait for that rare moment when she's not frazzled with kids, work, and everything else, and just explain that you really want to use this stove more, that it's something that brings you enjoyment, saves money, and makes the home nicer. And if she can just give it a chance for a month or two, you think she'll really grow to appreciate it, as well. Always better to talk these things out when no one is in an argumentative mood, or feeling pressured by other priorities.
Caw
Minister of Fire
I would agree with you in a normal situation...that's what we do here. Im not sure that time exists though based off what I've read. It seems like my way out the highway type situation.
We don't really know, Matt is venting hard and throwing out all the worst things going on. I'd like to hear some positive things about her. Why he married her. She's tough No doubt about it, but if she's tough and you are both on the same team than that player does have something good to offer, i would hope.
East coast chicks are rough. NJ, RI, and Mass especially have a heavy Rock Hard contingent. Not many sugar sweet southern bells over here. Got to learn how to deal with them. It's not easy.
I think the ultimate trait that determines should i stay or should i go is the heart of the person. If there is a good heart under all the BS, then that's important. If not well there's your answer.
I think the ultimate trait that determines should i stay or should i go is the heart of the person. If there is a good heart under all the BS, then that's important. If not well there's your answer.
Sorry guys had a busy day…
@bigealta honesty the positives I can come up with right now is that she is a great mom to my boys, and that she doesn’t lie to me. What made me marry her doesn’t really apply currently. Our marriage is very different now than it was when we were first dating and didn’t own a home.
@Ashful i have tried that, not just with the stove, but other things in the past. Won’t make a difference. Her mood goes from
Great to crap because I bring up a topic she’s already made her mind up about. She then points out that I always have to ruin her good mood when I bring things up to talk about she’s not a fan of or doesn’t not want to do. If she’s not a fan of the topic of discussion then she’s going to have an attitude about it.
Got the second load of wood today. It is on the light side. I mentioned it to the guy and he said he will make it right. Once I have it split and stacked I’ll measure it and he’ll make
up the difference. I thought that was good that he’s standing behind his word. Rare now a days.
@bigealta honesty the positives I can come up with right now is that she is a great mom to my boys, and that she doesn’t lie to me. What made me marry her doesn’t really apply currently. Our marriage is very different now than it was when we were first dating and didn’t own a home.
@Ashful i have tried that, not just with the stove, but other things in the past. Won’t make a difference. Her mood goes from
Great to crap because I bring up a topic she’s already made her mind up about. She then points out that I always have to ruin her good mood when I bring things up to talk about she’s not a fan of or doesn’t not want to do. If she’s not a fan of the topic of discussion then she’s going to have an attitude about it.
Got the second load of wood today. It is on the light side. I mentioned it to the guy and he said he will make it right. Once I have it split and stacked I’ll measure it and he’ll make
up the difference. I thought that was good that he’s standing behind his word. Rare now a days.
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Caw
Minister of Fire
Yeah that's definitely a little light. Pretty nice that he's willing to square up with you. My guy always gives me extra so I don't think I'd say anything for one light load but if it happened a few times probably.
You are definitely a savage with the bucking. Helps having that big ass saw. Was it a Ms 261? That'll make short work of some firewood logs. Takes me a bit longer with my 440.
I'm seeing a lot of oak. Anything else?
You are definitely a savage with the bucking. Helps having that big ass saw. Was it a Ms 261? That'll make short work of some firewood logs. Takes me a bit longer with my 440.
I'm seeing a lot of oak. Anything else?
MS261 w/ 20” bar. Thing is a beast. Chain still sharp at the end. I use the Stihl platinum oil. It’s awesome. took me just over an hour to buck all that.
lots of oak, few logs of ash, and 1 log of hickory in this load. Thank god no elm. I was surprised to see no maple but not Complaining. Got lots of maple in the last load. 2 of the oak logs were 20+” diameter so good size ones
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Caw
Minister of Fire
Yeah I need a bigger saw. It makes a world of difference. And by bigger I mean a bigger engine. 18-20" bar is just fine but I want a 50-55 cc engine. I love my saw it's reliable, light, and cuts great but only being 41 really slows me down on the bigger 16"+ stuff. The husky 550 xp mark II or the MS 261 are the perfect saws for this.
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