Well, I dunno about ferrets but.. (long)

[Adios Pantalones]

Was in the "pottery studio" (read- basement room with oil burner) throwin last night when I noticed a pile of creosote dust and a couple leaves in front of an unused ash cleanout doors (one for the oil flue, one for the fireplace, and another that used to have a wood fired boiler). I figure a critter has been in that chimney- which I knew had a good amount of creosote in it.

I open the cleanout door furtively and there's a squirrel in there. Sumbeech. I live in a log home, so they think it's a big tree. I had one in the fireplace before I put in the insert- the wife called from the bathroom where she locked herself in with the 2 shih tzus and the fireplace shovel screaming bloody murder after the beast had come out of the lit fire, climbed the screen, and leapt across the room. Had another that got in who knows how that harassed my 3 house rabbits. Let's just say that the BB gun has paid for itself in squirrel and bat removal fees (buy me a beer and I'll tell you the bat story- LOL)- they're tough to catch in a log home with it's odd fitting and climbable interior walls.

Anyway- I run to the shed for various cages and welding gloves, and tried holding various animal carrier type cages up there, as well as a Havahart, and poking Santa out of there.

Let's call him Santa. He came down the GD chimney.

None of that worked, and he wasn't moving much if at all. In fact it was hard to see in there, and my wife suggested that he had already gone to that white oak in the sky as he wasn't attacking or making noise at my pokey stick (There's a first wife joke that goes here- I'll restrain myself).

So this morning I go open the door and see that he's moved and breathing. This is a job for- fireplace tongs.

Yes- they were used before to remove an already dispatched squirrel that I had to blast with the ole Crossman 10 pump- as my wife screamed during the funeral procession through the kitchen, then as I lobbed him off into the yard, tail trailing behind and sticking out of the snow marked with a bloody smear. "THROW IT OUT BACK!". OK dear.

After a few attempts, I get ahold of Santa and try and force him intop a pet carrier. It was like one of those cartoons with someone dragging a big dog into the bathroom for a bath- with nails clinging to the door jamb... then Santa was free in the studio. MoFo. Time to get serious and protect my wiring and rabbits. Out comes the Crossman, down goes Santa- who was somewhat weakened and labored from his chimney captivity. I felt bad for him, but that's the way it is.

The moral of the story- a squirrel may be used to clean a clay tiled chimney, just tie a line to him to get him out after.

 

[SlyFerret]

Sooo.... What's that have to do with ferrets?

-SF

 

[btj1031]

Kind of reminds me of my recent exploits trying to dispose of a skunk I caught in my havahart while intending to catch chipmunks in my garage, especially the parts about your wife adding to the drama. Long story short, I told my wife I would be drowning the skunk, to which she flipped out about as being mean and crule and torturous. I explained that he was a pest, not unlike a mosquito, and had to be disposed of, not "re-homed". Long story short, I cover the trap with a tarp to try to aviod spray (he sprayed), and I put the trap in a barrel of water and held it down. All of a sudden, I feel the SOB pushing against my hand that was holding the trap and tarp in the water. What I didn't realize was the trap has to be kept horizontal to the ground or it will open in water (I'm not an engineer!). So the ferret, er skunk, is out of the trap and trying to climb out of the water, so I run and get the lid to the barrell and put it on just in time. Then I hear the eeery sound of little feet scratching on the lid. I throw a brick on the lid and call it a day. Next morning, no noise from the barrel, and the skunk is dead as a doornail. The barrel is still outside, away from my house, airing out. This little tidbit obviously has nothing to do with the Hearth, just some homeowner fun with uninvited wildlife.

 

[Adios Pantalones]

There are places where it's against the law to move a trapped animal to anywhere but your own property. I have had groundhogs that would not go into a havahart that I suspect were trapped and released and now wary of the traps.

I need to put a cap on the other 2 flues.

 

[SlyFerret]

I don't know about skunks, but around here... If you catch a raccoon (for instance), you have two choices. 1) Release it where you captured it... or 2) Kill the animal. You're not allowed to relocate raccoons. I would imagine that skunks fall into that same category.

It's been about 6 months since my lab/chessie mix got skunked... she's about due again. Not looking forward to that.

-SF

 

[johnsopi]

Don't go for a headshot on a shunk it will spray. Shoot it in the chest.

 

[ScottF]

AHH Great story. Kept me on the edge of my seat waiting to see how it turned out. Sounds like you had to fire the olde crossman in the studio. Howd that work out? Did it do any damage or did Santa absorb all of the impact? I guess making him red would cause him to more appropriately fit the title of santa.

My uncle recently had a problem with a broken damper in his fireplace that would not close. Same thing, the squirrels kept coming down the chimney and running around the house breaking things. So he tried to do a joe homeowner fix and put a piece of sheetmetal up there but I guess it did not fit very tight. There were a few small spaces around the sheetmetal. Well one day he and his wife arrive home and they find that a squirrel tried (and did) to squeeze past the sheet metal. Only problem is he sliced himself open on the sharp metal trying to get through. The little bastard freaked out cuz he was bleeding and proceed to jump all over the house (shelves, furniture, beds, etc.) in a state of panick. He ran over shelves, tv's counters etc. Broke every nic nak in the house and covered the whole place in a spray of blood. It looked like a violent, bloody crime scene when they got home and there was a bloody dead squirrel in the middle of the living room floor. He eventually bled out but not until he hit every spot in the entire house. They were very bummed out needless to say.

I would like to hear the bat story because we just had one of our own the other night. Its also a long story but I ended up getting him with a good back-swing of the old tennis racket.

 

[Tfin]

My Chessie got sprayed by a skunk about two weeks ago............that was fun. She was on the steps drooling and salavitating, damn thing got her in the mouth and on the neck. I think she was on the steps waiting to come in when it came walking right past and she went after it to protect house and home.

 

[Adios Pantalones]

I had a well-broken ankle (another story) and was sitting down stairs when the wife comes running down from my office- inventing a few words in a loud voice. Well, a bat found it's way through a space in the wooden ceiling from the attic and had- according to her- touched her in it's panicked flight. I felt worse for the bat being in a room with my wife letting loose (she has an incredible, and powerful singing voice... this is the flip side of that gift)

OK- so I hobble up the stairs on crutches and peer around the corner- still standing on the stairs- as not to spook it. I see him hanging from the edge of my office door, but there's no way I can catch it in my injured state, so I call for the gun. I pump it up, kneel down, and shoot around the corner. The BB skips around in that wooden house like a super ball so the next shot I have to cover my face with my hands.

pop.
then 3 more. It's still hanging there.

"No way I missed a bat 5 times at maybe 15 feet" thinks I- so I hobble up the last stairs and go over to find it quite dead still hanging by hooks on it's wings I guess. There's a spray out the other side of its head on the door from exiting BB's, and 5 marks in the ceiling to this day from the rounds deflecting through the poor critter. So I call for a plastic shopping bag and my lovely assistant brings one for me to dispose of mr. bat.

I'm a hunter, but I feel for any critter that I have to zap for pest control reasons like that- they're just doing what they do- ya know?

 

[firefighterjake]

Loved the squirrel stories AP and ScottF.

And now I'll share one of my own . . . which in many ways reminded me of AP's story.

A few years back my wife and I were sitting downstairs watching TV when we heard a loud thump in the upstairs bathroom. She wondered aloud what it was . . . I meanwhile simply kept watching TV since I figured it was just one of the cats.

After a few minutes of silence followed by a thump or two followed by more silence I went upstairs into the closed bathroom . . . only to find myself face-to-face (well within 5 yards of each other) with a gray squirrel . . . which we later determined must have come through a hole in our attic vent and in past the light fixture/fan.

My wife immediately began yelling for me to "do something" while she ran into the bedroom and locked the door . . . figuring apparently that the squirrel might somehow figure out how to open a closed door, but would be unable to figure out how to use a key to open a locked door. She also cowered under the sheets . . . thinking apparently that while the squirrel might be smart enough to open a locked door, that it would never think to look for her under the covers.

I pondered things for a minute and then figured I might as well put one of my cats to use . . . so I took my little rough riding cat . . . a tail-less Manx named Theodore Roosevelt, tossed him into the bathroom . . . yelling a few words of encouragement "Get 'im Teddy" before shutting the door behind him.

Apparently this was not the solution my wife was looking for as she began yelling, "Don't hurt him. Don't kill the squirrel" . . . so at this point I had to go back into the bathroom to retrieve Teddy who by now was having a grand, old time of Chase as he was attempting to get the squirrel . . . the only problem was the squirrel had the advantage as it would leap from the shower curtain rod to the back of the toilet and then to the sink . . . and then repeat the whole process . . . as Teddy was always one step behind him.

After retrieving a very disappointed Teddy from the bathroom I weighed my options . . . and then inspiration struck me. I would do the Russell Crowe thing and arm myself like a Roman Gladiator. My choices of weapons were a bit sparse and seeing as I had no Roman short sword I armed myself with what was handy . . . in this case a plastic laundry basket which doubled as my shield and a long throw rug which I would use like a net.

Believe it or not, this get-up actually worked after some experimenting . . . in short order I knocked Rocky (I wasn't very original with the name) off the toilet with my net/rug and then I used my shield/laundry basket to trap poor Rocky.

However, at this point I wasn't quite sure what to do with Rocky. Eventually I used another rug to cover the bottom of the basket and in short order I tossed Rocky outside . . . and thought everything was fine . . . until Rocky showed up two days later as my wife and I began to hear the noise of Rocky and his rowdy friends running around in the attic.

This time I was smarter . . . I used my Hav-a-Hart trap and a buffet of peanut butter (crunchy Skippy of course), some stale cheese crackers and some peanuts to get Rocky.

This time I also knew it was time to take Rocky for a ride . . . a long ride. However, I'm not a cruel man. I decided that the best new home for Rocky would be in downtown Unity . . . since I was going that way anyways. As I drove the very agitated Rocky to his new home I began to talk to him, assuring him that he would like his new home since it was right across from the raceway (free entertainment) and there was a nice restaurant nearby where he could beg for some scraps. To make a long story short I freed Rocky and then went about my business (I was doing some paperwork at the ambulance headquarters.)

Fifteen minutes later I left the ambulance squad's HQ and was driving home when all of a sudden, about 1/3 of a mile away from the squad building, this gray squirrel runs out in front of me . . . there was no way to avoid him . . . now I could be wrong, but I swear to you this gray squirrel looked an awful lot like Rocky . . . and I'm still not sure to this day, but I think he might have winked at me right before he ran out in front of my car.

 

[BrotherBart]

Squirrel story:

We live on the back of five acres and Halloween is always a crap shoot. Some years lots of visits, some none. One year I bought a huge bag of small Tootsie Rolls for the occasion. Not one kid showed up. Seven or eight months later I came across the bag in the pantry. I started tossing a handful every day to the back of the yard hoping the squirrels would eat them and rot their nasty little rat teeth. Since I was traveling a lot I turned the tossing Tootsies task over to my wife.

A while later we headed down to Texas to visit relatives. We drove down and we were about three hundred miles from home when, while making small talk, I inquired about the squirrel feeding. She told me she had been just laying a handful outside the back door on the deck and that they had gotten to where they would peck on the back door when she forgot. My heart damn near stopped and I almost ran into a ditch. "You did what? Now they know where they come from and they won't stop at just a door to get to them.".

Sure enough two weeks later when we got home the downstairs was a shambles and every flower pot in the house was turned over and emptied on the floor. The little jerks had taken the place apart looking for Tootsie Rolls.

 

[Adios Pantalones]

Red eyed, and with the shakes- junkie squirrels are selling your silverware to support their Tootsie habit.

 

[ScottF]

. now I could be wrong, but I swear to you this gray squirrel looked an awful lot like Rocky . . . and I’m still not sure to this day, but I think he might have winked at me right before he ran out in front of my car.

FFJ, at least he was a nice squirrel and only winked instead of flipping you the paw. I thought you were going to say you put the cat on top of the wifes sheets so she would think it was Rocky, just to freak her out. Great story

 

[Dill]

I haven't had squirrels climb into my house (I also live in a log cabin). But I had to shoot 2 wood peckers. Who kept drilling on it.
My parent's old 1700's colonial gets a lot of wildlife in to. Having a 5ft sq chimmney and a dirt cellar doesn't help. But anyway a handy bat and flying squirrel removal tool is a lacrosse stick. The basket is perfect for the mid air bat scoop and toss.

 

[LONDONDERRY]

I would have grilled and sisk-babed the squirrel with some garlic and EVOO (Extra-virgin Olive Oil) then call Andrew Zimmerman for a meal

 

[kmdesautelle]

Who needs the internet to surf (when one should be working) with these stories! Too funny!

 

[Girl]

Great stories!

Squirrels are evil.

 

[savageactor7]

Squirrels are just rodents with better press agents.

 

[trailblaster]

We have problems with the porcupines when they migrate twice a year. Last migration, three of my shepherds attacked them and got quilled, one had over 200 quills. fortunately, my wife is a vet and we only had to pay for anesthesia or it would have cost over $500 for all three dogs.

 

[deep wood]

...anyone have bear problems?

(broken link removed to http://www.newsminer.com/news/2008/oct/17/salcha-homeowner-kills-three-marauding-grizzlies/)

 

[cmonSTART]

Poor AP, he made a classic rookie mistake. Ferrets should be used to clean wood stove flus, both tile lined and stainless. Squirrels are for pellet stove chimneys.

 

[firefighterjake]

Red eyed, and with the shakes- junkie squirrels are selling your silverware to support their Tootsie habit.

Great mental image . . . made me laugh.

 

[firefighterjake]

. now I could be wrong, but I swear to you this gray squirrel looked an awful lot like Rocky . . . and I’m still not sure to this day, but I think he might have winked at me right before he ran out in front of my car.

FFJ, at least he was a nice squirrel and only winked instead of flipping you the paw. I thought you were going to say you put the cat on top of the wifes sheets so she would think it was Rocky, just to freak her out. Great story

Hmmm . . . I think I would be sleeping out in the 4Runner for a few days if I had done that.

 

[firefighterjake]

I would have grilled and sisk-babed the squirrel with some garlic and EVOO (Extra-virgin Olive Oil) then call Andrew Zimmerman for a meal

True story . . . another one . . .

A few years back our Firefighter's Union produced a Cookbook full of recipes garnered from the various firefighters.

Along with favorites like lasagna, spaghetti pie, beef stew, etc. one guy offered up a recipe for squirrel pie . . . until then I never realized folks can and actually enjoy eating these critters.

 

[Adios Pantalones]

I know people that eat them on a weekly basis- they're fun to hunt. Throw it in the crock pot with cream of mushroom gravy, or onion soup mix, and serve ove biscuits.

I only ever made a soup out of one. Not bad at all.