This is part of a post was in our local craigslist from someone giving away some locust (there may have been some poison ivy on the wood, which I'm guessing is why it wasn't taken). I thought some of you might find it amusing:
I do not know why it is so hard to give away free firewood. All the people that came today did not take any of it. I am not waiting around anymore... so here the rules...
1. Don't show up drunk and leave beer cans in my yard.
2. Don't pee in my yard. (go to the bathroom before you come).
3. Don't be loud and upset my neighbors.
4. Don't block the road or anyones driveway.
5. Pull off in the grass so other traffic can pass by.
6. Do not use vulgar language around any children.
7. Do not yell or spank your children in my yard.
8. Have a muffler on your truck.
9. Do not show up in a truck that cannot handle the load.
10. Bring help. Don't try to be a hero. This wood is heavy.
11. If this wood helps you, give someone else some crap you don't need.
12. If you don't have any crap to give away... throw some cash in the basket at your church on Sunday.
13. I don't want to hear any excuses, don't tell me how heavy it is, don't ask to borrow my chain saw, don't tell me that you would rather have oak, don't play games with me, no one is doing me any favors by taking this wood. My electric heat pump does not run on firewood. You don't have to take it all, Take one log or all of it. It can sit there for ten years if it needs to, if you can use it, then I am happy to give it to someone to help save money this winter on heating bills, burn it in your house, burn it at a campfire, do whatever you want with it. Make a coffee table, carve little wooden animals out of it. Just come take it if you want it.
Do not come any earlier than 8AM, and do not get in a fight with anyone that shows up before you. You guys will need to share. I cannot babysit grown men fighting in my yard.
I do not know why it is so hard to give away free firewood. All the people that came today did not take any of it. I am not waiting around anymore... so here the rules...
1. Don't show up drunk and leave beer cans in my yard.
2. Don't pee in my yard. (go to the bathroom before you come).
3. Don't be loud and upset my neighbors.
4. Don't block the road or anyones driveway.
5. Pull off in the grass so other traffic can pass by.
6. Do not use vulgar language around any children.
7. Do not yell or spank your children in my yard.
8. Have a muffler on your truck.
9. Do not show up in a truck that cannot handle the load.
10. Bring help. Don't try to be a hero. This wood is heavy.
11. If this wood helps you, give someone else some crap you don't need.
12. If you don't have any crap to give away... throw some cash in the basket at your church on Sunday.
13. I don't want to hear any excuses, don't tell me how heavy it is, don't ask to borrow my chain saw, don't tell me that you would rather have oak, don't play games with me, no one is doing me any favors by taking this wood. My electric heat pump does not run on firewood. You don't have to take it all, Take one log or all of it. It can sit there for ten years if it needs to, if you can use it, then I am happy to give it to someone to help save money this winter on heating bills, burn it in your house, burn it at a campfire, do whatever you want with it. Make a coffee table, carve little wooden animals out of it. Just come take it if you want it.
Do not come any earlier than 8AM, and do not get in a fight with anyone that shows up before you. You guys will need to share. I cannot babysit grown men fighting in my yard.
