This week there is a deafening silence in our home.
Our Newf had been slowing down a lot especially this past summer - walks were getting shorter - stopping to rest for a few minutes especially on the warmer days. We thought it was mostly her arthritis, some shoulder joint pain from her past surgery, other signs of aging, and the heat was not helping much either. She still loved her walks.
Last week she went from taking one of her rest stops on the walk one day, to walking a bit funny the next day, to not being able to stand up the next - her back legs gave out on her on Friday morning. It happened almost overnight. I had to lift her into my truck - the vet technicians had to carry her into the building with a couple of slings. The exam uncovered spinal / neurological damage. It had been progressing for a while, but she hid her pain so well that we were clueless until she could not hide it any more. She was not going to be able to walk again.
The prospect of surgery on her spine would have been torture for her - she would try to drag herself across the street if she had to, just to be within a few feet of her people.
Even though we knew she was getting tired, and deep down we knew this was coming one day, we didn't expect to be there making that awful decision that day. We said goodbye at her side, watched her go to sleep, and went home in agony.
Aspen was our "mama dog". She helped us get through losing our golden (Bear) a little over 4 years ago, she stepped in to help fill a big hole in our hearts, she adored our son ("her" little boy), and she watched over her family every day. She adopted me and became my new shadow.
This little fur-ball wrapped herself around our hearts on day 1, almost 9 years ago, and now in an instant she is gone.
My better half says that serious look was her way of showing us that she knew she had a job to do - taking care of us. She did it well.
Along the morning walk, there is a contractor's shop - she decided when she was just a pup that she would stop there and look in the door until they saw here and let her in. She walked around from one guy to another letting them pet her, then we were on our way. She 'adopted" them that day, and from that day on, it was a regular stop. If we missed a day, they would worry. We stopped there yesterday to let them know she would not be coming by any more. Bunch of big guys, tough as nails - a couple of them had to leave the garage - the boss broke down and cried.
They say that writing about a heart wrenching experience is a good way to help one deal with grief. Even though I have not met anyone here personally, there are kindred spirits on this forum. You all know the pain and how unbearable it can be when you suffer a loss like this. Thank you for letting me share our story here. As my wife says, "it's gonna suck until it doesn't suck". To everyone here who lost a family member and a friend, our hearts ache for you as well....